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Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "The Test". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Alone Together" Next: "Future Vision"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Int. Beach House]
(Water drips from the ceiling into a pot as the Crystal Gems are playing Citchen Calamity.)
Steven Ooh hoo! You've got freezer burn, Pearl! Looks like you lose all your fish sticks.
Pearl What? I needed those for my bachelor meal combo. Now I can't ring the dinner bell. *sighs and reads very long list of rules* These rules make no sense.
Steven The game of "Citchen Calamity" may be played for fun, *motions fist around air* but the hunger is real!
Amethyst *Starts laughing* Tough break, Pearl. *picks up card and reads* The sponge in your sink is covered in mold. But I can still eat it right?
Steven No, no, that means that you lose two turns.
Amethyst That's baloney!
Pearl *still reading, looks up* What? You have a baloney card?
Steven Garnet, your move.
Garnet *picks up card and reads it* I'm now the owner of the "Golden Can Opener". Yesssss.
Steven Now you can check your soups for the alphabet bonus.
Pearl Who wrote this game?
Steven My turn! *reads card and gasps* I've gotta roll the dice to escape the eggquake! *presses fake blender that rolls dice* C'mon, papa needs a new skillet! (The dice come out and both have eggs on top.) Yeah! Double sunnies! I did it! *moves his piece* I win! Yeah! This Citchen Calamity has been cleaned up! Woohoo! *laughs*
Amethyst I don't get it, but nice job. *starts clapping*
Pearl Yes, well done. *claps* That was very, very complicated.
Garnet Well played. *pets Steven*
Steven *giggles and blushes* So, what do you want to play next? *goes to closet*
Pearl There are more?
Steven (He opens his closet and rummages through it looking for games.) Oh sure. I got Polly Polly, Toppler, Conquerors of Eldermore, Not That Sorry, Don't Wake Father Figure, and Non-Invasive Operation. I think that one's missing a couple organs. I also have Checkers, if you want to take tur- *Moon Goddess Statue falls out of closet* The Sea Spire statue.
Amethyst *laughs as she sits up* Pfft, oh, so that's where you left it. (Pearl looks at her annoyed.)
Steven I... forgot I still had this. *picks it up and sighs* I... I'm really sorry I forgot it on our mission that time.
Pearl Oh, Steven.
Steven If I had just remembered to pack it, then maybe the Sea Spire would still be around. But now it's gone forever, 'cause of me.
Amethyst Well yeah, but... don't worry about it... guy.
Garnet You did your best on that mission, *points at him* and that's what counts.
Steven But the Sea Spire. It was a special, important, Gem... place!
Pearl *bends down to Steven* Oh, Steven, no, no, no. If the Spire had been crucial, we wouldn't have used it as a test for you. It's fine, really.
Steven *confused* Test? What do you mean, "test"?
(Garnet and Amethyst glance at each other and Pearl gets worried. Thunder is heard outside.)
Pearl Uhhhhhhh, well it wasn't really a "test", per se. Not in the traditional sense. We just wanted to see if you were ready to go on missions.
Steven That's exactly what a test is!
Pearl *makes a nervous face* Euuuugghhhhh.
Garnet Steven, it wasn't something we planned behind your back. We just saw an opportunity and...
Steven *gasps* And I failed it. I failed the test.
Amethyst No way, you got at least a 50%.
Pearl Oh, and you had that raft so we didn't have to swim home! That's a solid 75, not failing at all! Besides, that Spire was in much worse shape than we thought. It should have been even easier.
Steven I failed an easy test?!
Amethyst *looks at Pearl in a half-mad way* Nice one.
Garnet *gets up and groans angrily at Pearl* Hmmm!
Pearl That's not what I meant! I—
Steven No. I need another test! A hard one! *gets excited*
Pearl But Steven. You've come so far.
Steven Let me prove it. *hyped* Test me! Test me!
(Pearl and Amethyst look at Garnet.)
[Trans. Int. Warp Room]
Pearl Alright, Steven. We've adjusted the metaphysical properties of the temple to create a customized dungeon for you. *projects hologram* Now, just beyond here are three chambers designed by each of us to simulate the challenges of a mission. Should you succeed, you will unlock the final door, where we will be waiting for you. *stops hologram*
Steven Alright! That's more like it!
Garnet Steven, this won't be easy. Be careful in there.
Steven Right. I won't let you down this time.
Pearl That's the spirit!
Amethyst Yeaaah! Get amped, Steven!
Steven I'm ready.
(The Gems open the Temple Gate and Steven walks into the dark hallway.)
Amethyst Good luck! You're gonna need ittttt! (The Temple Door closes.)
[Trans Int. Amethyst's Chamber]
(Torches appear along the walls and show a long, stone ramp.)
Steven Num-ero uno. I wonder if Amethyst made this one. *looks up and sees large, stone Amethyst* Definitely Amethyst.
(Large ball comes out of stone Amethyst's mouth and starts to come after Steven, who starts running. Steven starts screaming and sees a door behind a gaping pit.)
Steven The door!
(Steven grabs the vine and swings over to the ledge in front of the door. The door starts to foam out, and then turns into star-shaped balloons.)
Steven Yeah! *laughs*
[Trans. Int. Pearl's Chamber]
(Bars block the entrance and Steven sees a door high up on the wall across the room.)
Steven How do I get up there?
(A musical pattern plays on the floor and certain tiles glow on each note.)
Steven Hmmm. Oh! A music puzzle. Must be Pearl's room. Only she would make me think. Okay, let's see. Ummm. *steps on tile* Bing. *jumps to another* Bing. *jumps to the last two* Bing, bing. Did that do it? *stairs appear in front of him and he laughs* Easy! *blade swings behind him* Not easy! Aaaaah! *avoids blades and runs to top of stairs* Woo hoo! *star balloons appear* That was close. That was... *panting* ...really close.
[Trans. Int. Garnet's Chamber]
Steven (Smoke emanates from the spot where Steven stepped on.) Alright, let's see what we've got.
(There is a narrow bridge connecting the two doors, and underneath is a pool of lava. Fire shoots up from one crack in the bridge.)
Steven Looks like Garnet [Camera zooms into Steven's face] turned up the heat. *laughs* Nice one, Steven.
(Steven starts to walk and then fire shoots through a crack. He jumps over and waits until the next one goes down. He starts to walk confidently towards the door but spikes fall from the ceiling above. He starts screaming, but the spikes stop just over his head and start to go back up. To test, he walks away and the spikes hit the ground. When he puts his arm under, it stops over him.)
Steven What?
(The fire shoots up but it goes around Steven.)
Steven Oh no. It can't be true!
[Trans. Int. Pearl's Chamber]
Steven *sees that the blades go through him* Whaat! *starts randomly tapping tiles and stairs go up* It didn't even matter?!?
[Trans. Int. Amethyst's Chamber]
Steven *starts walking over pit* This too! *ball rolls down and stops right before Steven* Everything's riiiiigged! Aaaaah! (He walks up the trail, pushing the ball back into Amethyst's mouth.)
[Trans. Ext. Dungeons]
(Steven sees he is above all the dungeons, on a big rectangular prism. He sees all the fake traps as he walks around.)
Steven I... can't believe it. Ugggh. "It won't be easy. Good luck, you're gonna need it." How am I supposed to prove myself if you guys keep— *sees the Gems at the end*
Amethyst What's taking him so long?
Pearl I didn't think mine was very difficult. Do you think he hurt himself?
Garnet There's no way. It's impossible for him to fail.
Amethyst Ugggh. So what's the point?
Pearl The point is that he's come so far. He can make Rose's bubble! And he's pulled out Rose's shield twice. But he's lost his healing powers. We have to give him another "success". He can't lose his confidence like that again.
Amethyst *silence* We're bad at this.
Pearl What?!
Amethyst Yeah. You can't control him, and he shouldn't be taking advice from me, and we don't have Rose to tell us what to do!
Pearl But he needs us to show him how to be a Gem!
Garnet Steven is not just a Gem. There's never been anything or anyone like Steven. We don't know what he needs.
(Steven goes back in the dungeon. He confidently walks back through the dungeon and opens the doors, where the Gems are waiting. Steven sees the Gems clapping.)
Garnet Congratulations.
Pearl Congratulations, Steven!
Amethyst Yeaaah, congrats little man! Woop, woop, woop! (Steven walks up and they stop chanting.) Woop.
Pearl Thank goodness you made it! How did it... go?
Steven *seemingly angry and kneels to the floor* I can't believe you guys. That was so... *happily* ... insane! (The Gems look at each other.) Where do I even begin? Man, you should have seen me. That boulder was coming at me and I just jumped for it. And then the tiles were going like "Bing, bong, bing" and I was like "I see what's going on here". And I thought there's no way I could have been ready for all that fire and lava and spikes but I did it! I really... did it. I... You guys are the best. Thank you so much for doing this for me. This was just what I needed.
Pearl Oh, Steven.
Amethyst Aw, shucks, guy.
Garnet Mmmm.
Pearl I'm so proud of you. *hugs Steven*
(Steven blushes.)
Amethyst Yeah, you da man! *hugs Steven*
Garnet *hugs Steven* I knew you could do it.
[Episode ends with stars]
[END]
ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen it RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' Head
Shorts The Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time