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Shirt Club/Transcript

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Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "Shirt Club". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Open Book" Next: "Story for Steven"
Speaker Dialogue
(The episode starts with Steven drawing the picture of "Guitar Dad" with a pencil, then making the final touches with a red marker.)
Steven Pearl! *picks up picture* Amethyst! *walks down stairs* Garnet! —Wah! *sees that all the Gems were just downstairs on the couch*
Pearl *reading a magazine* You don't have to yell, Steven, we're right here.
Steven I know, but I just finished this drawing, and I wanted to show it to you.
Pearl Oh! Uh... of course.
Steven All right!— *jumps on Garnet's lap* —Hup! *shows the Gems his flyer* Haha! "Guitar Dad teaches you guitar!"
Amethyst What is that?
Steven It's my dad. He's going to start teaching guitar lessons and he made me his P.R. Department.
Amethyst *points at Greg's teeth in the flyer* What's that stuff in his mouth?
Steven Those are his teeth...
Pearl What are the lightning bolts for?
Steven Ugh... well, ah... I was trying to show that Dad really rocks on the guitar, and...
Garnet *points at the flyer* Then there should be rocks falling out of the guitar.
Steven I hear what you're saying, but it's too late for notes... this is permanent marker.
[Transition to inside of the Big Donut]
Steven *tapes a flyer at the board* Mmm-hmm!
Sadie What's that cute flyer for, Steven?
Steven It's for my dad, he'll teach you guitar, you guys wanna sign up? My dad's really good.
Sadie Maybe I'll stop by and check it out.
Steven Here, lemme give you a flyer and— *door opens*
Buck *waves hand*
Sadie Welcome to the Big Donut.
Steven Hey, Buck.
Lars *surprised* Oh! W-what? *takes headphones off; making chicken movements with arms* Buck, Buck, Buuuuuuuuck! Haha! What's going on man? What can we get for you today?
Buck *looks at the menu, then at the donuts* Can I get a caprese salad?
Sadie Oh sorry, Buck. We only serve don-
Lars *attempting to impress him* DO-NUT worry, Buck! I'll whip ya up a salad, *thumbs up* no sweat! *sweating* I'll be right back. *runs toward the break room*
Sadie Lars! We don't even have vegetables here! *runs after him*
Buck *looks at Steven's flyer* Heh, what's a "guitar dad"?
Steven Like my flyer? It's for my dad. *motions playing guitar* He'll teach you guitar! Here, take one of these with you. Actually, just wear it. *tapes flyer onto Buck's shirt*
Buck *uncontrollable laughing*
Steven Are you ticklish?
Buck This would make a rad shirt, man.
Steven Really?
Buck Yeah, let's make your flyer into t-shirts.
Steven Oh man, my dad would love that!
Buck Gimme five on it.
Steven *high five misses*
Buck Oh, you missed.
[Trans. Int. Abandoned Warehouse]
Mayor Dewey *lifts heavy box* Ho! I think it's swell you're returning to the family business, son. *puts down box* Gonna help the old man get re-elected again, eh? *hugs Buck and pats his head* Aww, son!
Buck *breaks free* Ugh! It's not for campaign stuff, dad. Steven and I are making art.
Steven *gasps* Art!
Mayor Dewey Art, huh? I don't understand it myself, but a boy's gotta have interests and ambitions. *slaps Buck hard on the back which causes his visor to fall off* WOAH-HO-HO-HO!
Steven *looks around* This stuff can be used to make t-shirts?
Mayor Dewey Oh yeah, I've got all the latest, state of the art screen-printing equipment from years of campaigning. And other some such, mayorly things. Like this week, I'm commemorating a bench! (He shows the boys a banner of "Bench City", which is just a banner that says "Welcome to Beach City" with the "A" in "Beach" changed to "N" with marker.)
Steven *reads the banner* "Welcome to... Bench City"? Thrifty!
Buck *moans* Dad, you can't use this. *points at banner*
Mayor Dewey Why not? You know I "gotta gank dat youth vote, boi"!
Buck Dad, stop.
Steven What's this? (He opens box to reveal flyers similar to Steven's that say "Vote for My Dad" with a drawing of Buck and Mayor Dewey holding hands.)
Mayor Dewey What have you got there? *reads the flyer* Aww... I haven't seen this in years. Remember when you drew this, Buck? You couldn't wait to show it off to all your li'l Montessori friends.
Buck *pushes Mayor Dewey out* Okay, dad. Thanks for all your help, see ya later. Bye.
Mayor Dewey Alright, kids. I mean... "peace in the Middle-East, Holmes."
Steven *picks up another one of Buck's flyers* So cool.
Buck *quickly grabs and crumples the flyer* Let's just get started already.
(Buck and Steven make multiple copies of shirts with Steven's flyer printed on them.)
Buck Swag.
Steven Now everyone's gonna want lessons from Dad!
Buck This is bigger than your dad, Steven. It's art. And it's gonna flood the public consciousness. (The t-shirts reflect in his sunglasses.)
Steven *offers Buck a t-shirt* Let's start handing them out.
Buck Too simple. We need to get controversial. We need to create—boom—a scene.
[Trans. Funland Arcade's Rooftop]
(Steven is looking for victims to shoot his t-shirts at through his binoculars as Buck readies the T-Shirt Cannon.)
Steven Scanning for targets, T-Shirt Cannon loaded and ready. Beep, beep, beep-bibibibibi! *points at Sour Cream* Sour Cream sighted!
Sour Cream Wom, wom. Wom, wom, wom.
Steven Get ready... take aim.
Buck *about to shoot* Aaand... *shoots*
Sour Cream Wom, wom, wom-WOMP! *gets hit by the t-shirt and rubs head* What in the world? *picks up the t-shirt* Oh. This is the coolest thing I've ever been hit in the head with!
Steven Ronaldo spotted, take aim!
Buck *fires another t-shirt*
Ronaldo *the t-shirt knocks Ronaldo's hat off* WHOA! What the heck? *notices shirt* Huh? Whoa, weird! Some kind of extraterrestrial space dad guitar shirt? Sooo... you've finally decided to make first contact, huh? WHERE ARE YOU?
Steven Lars sighted, take aim!
Buck *launches another shirt*
Lars YEOWCH! What the—?! *picks up the t-shirt and reads it* What is this garbage? *looks up to see Buck and Steven* Buck made this?! *starts laughing* Oh-ohohoha, ahahaha, haha! This is hilarious! Thaaanks Buuuck.
[Trans. Int. Fish Stew Pizza ]
(Steven and Buck take a break and eat pizzas.)
Steven Cheers! *bites pizza* Buck, this was such a good idea! I don't know why we didn't collaborate on a project sooner. This'll make my dad so happy. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I stop by later.
Buck *eating pizza* Yeah... should be good for a laugh.
Steven Huh? *confused* Why would it be good for—
Jenny *enters Fish Stew Pizza wearing the "Guitar Dad" T-shirt* Giiiirl, Check out my new shiiiiirt! *models the t-shirt*
Kiki It's really cute. Where'd you get it?
Jenny I dunno, it just landed in front of me when I was out walking.
Kiki Well, if I were you, I wouldn't wear some random shirt that just fell out of the sky. What if there were bugs in it?
Jenny Re-lax! Who cares where it came from? This shirt is the funniest thing I've seen in my life!
Buck Looks like our shirt has a really good buzz goin'.
Steven Yeah, but... I think they think it's a joke.
Buck Heh. The only thing that's important is that they're talking about it. That's how real art works.
Steven Oh. Well, I guess you're right.
[Trans. Ext. It's A Wash]
(Steven visits his Dad and sees Sour Cream taking a picture of Greg.)
Greg Uh... how's this? *poses*
Sour Cream Haha, so bad. *takes picture*
Greg Okay, let's get started with the first lesson! Have a seat and grab a— (Sour Cream walks off.) Where ya goin'? Oh, uh, I guess he's got an important text or something.
Steven How's it been going today?
Greg Really great! Lots of people have been coming by thanks to your t-shirts, little guy.
Steven That's great, Dad. I'm really glad I can help...
Jenny Yoohoo, Guitar Dad, I just wanted to say I think you're wonderful and hilarious! *drives off*
Greg Uh... thank you? *confused* Huh, that's kinda strange.
Steven What is?
Greg Well, lots of people have stopped by, but no one's taken a lesson yet.
Steven *surprised* What?! Really?!
Greg Ah, maybe they're just checking out the scene before they come back to get a REAL lesson. *plays guitar*
[Trans. Int. Abandoned Warehouse]
(Buck is printing more t-shirts.)
Steven Buck!
Buck Hey, *points at Steven* there's my main man.
Steven The shirts aren't working, Buck!
Buck Yeah they are, *picks up a t-shirt* people love' em.
Steven But... nobody wants guitar lessons from my dad!
Buck That's not the point.
Steven *very confused* What? Then what is the point?
Buck The point is, it's an amazing shirt.
Steven *blushing* Aww, my drawing's not that good, ahaha.
Buck Yeah, no. It's terrible.
Steven What?!
Buck That's what's so great about it. Your work is so naive. You really love your dad. It's funny.
Steven I... I don't wanna make these shirts anymore.
Buck Too bad, Steven, it's so current, you can't stop it. I'm a taste maker, and I'm gonna keep making tastes... forever.
Steven "Forever"? *gets nervous*
Buck Well, forever after I go to my dad's lame bench commemoration... peace. *holds a peace sign above his head and walks away*
[Trans. Ext. Beach House]
(Steven rushes inside.)
Steven GARNET! PEARL! AMETHYST!
(Surprised, the Gems stand up.)
Garnet Steven.
Pearl What is it?!
Amethyst Whoa, where's the fire?!
Steven It's an emergency! You have to help me get rid of all the shirts and stop Buck from making more!
Pearl Have the shirts come to life and possessed the bodies of their wearers?!
Steven No! They just-
Amethyst Are people catching on fire when they put on the magic shirts?
Steven No, no, they're just-
Pearl *panicked while spewing saliva* Are the shirts destroying the wearer's will to continue on in this mortal coil, thereby shutting down Beach City?!
Steven No!!! They're... *sighs* they're just... using my art in a way I don't agree with.
Pearl Oh.
(The Gems sit down.)
Garnet *adjusts visor* Eh, we'll pass.
Steven What? But... but I really need your help.
Pearl Steven, this sounds like a very abstract problem.
Amethyst It's not something we can punch. *punches her own palm*
Garnet You MUST learn to help yourself. That's how you become stronger. *visor sparkles*
Amethyst Good point, good point. *nods*
Pearl Absolutely.
Steven But—!
Amethyst *starting to get annoyed* Figure something OUT, Steven!
Pearl Yes! Why not dust off those conflict resolution skills?
Garnet Let your problem be known. Then you can work towards an understanding.
Steven *thinks of an idea and says evilly* Oh I'll make them understand. *walks out* I'll make them ALL understand!
(The Gems are mildly surprised.)
Amethyst Eh, he'll be fine.
[Trans. Beach City Boardwalk]
(Many people are gathered around Mayor Dewey.)
Mayor Dewey Okay, is everyone here? *blushing* *coughs slightly* Hello! I was supposed to write a speech to uhm... *adjusts neck tie* Uh... commemorate this... uh... new bench! But what had happened was I ran out of printer ink in my printer, that I keep at home!
(Steven is hiding on the roof of the Funland Arcade and opens a guitar case with his T-Shirt Cannon inside.)
Mayor Dewey So, I went to the store and wouldn't you know it? They didn't carry the brand I was looking for, so...
Steven *aims at Mayor Dewey, whispering* Bye.
Mayor Dewey ...I called up a buddy of mine who owed me a...
(The episode begins to play in slow motion as Steven fires.)
Mayor Dewey ...few political favors, and he wasn't home!
Bodyguard #1 Look out! *drops sandwich and runs away*
Mayor Dewey No!
Bodyguard #2 Aaaah! *runs away*
(Mayor Dewey gets hit with the shirt and falls back onto the bench. The episode begins to play at normal speed as the crowd goes wild and runs in several directions.)
Mayor Dewey I've been... shirt.
(Steven fires more shirts into the crowd. Buck sees everyone running and picks up a t-shirt, noticing that they have his drawings printed on them.)
(Steven backs away, smiling.)
Mayor Dewey Buck... *picks up a shirt, feeling touched* Did you make this?
(Buck is speechless and sees Sour Cream and Jenny looking at the shirts.)
Jenny Ahahaha! This shirt is genius! *laughs with Sour Cream* This is way funnier than "Guitar Dad"!
Lars Ahahahahahaha, ohoho! *holds the t-shirt*
Mayor Dewey *stops blushing and looks at the t-shirt* This bench is actually pretty comfortable.
(Buck sheds a tear.)
[Trans. It's A Wash]
Steven Anyone else stop by for lessons today?
Greg So far, no, but I'm sure it'll pick up tomorrow.
Steven Yeah! I'm sure it will. *hands Greg a t-shirt* Oh, this is for you by the way. This is the last one so it's super limited edition.
Greg Aw, sweet! Thanks, Steven.
(Steven smiles.)
Buck *walks over to the two* Yo, Steven. Just wanted to say uh... I'm sorry for what I did, and... uh...
Steven It's okay, Buck. You don't have to say any more than that.
Buck *to Steven* You're a cool cat, Steven Universe. *to Greg* Hey, Mr. U.
Greg You wanna take a picture with me or some junk?
Buck No way man. I want a lesson... *shows them his shirt* from Guitar Dad!
[Star-shaped iris closes on Buck's Guitar Dad shirt, ending the episode]
[END]
ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen it RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' Head
Shorts The Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time