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Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "Serious Steven". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Bubble Buddies" Next: "Tiger Millionaire"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Ext. Beach City Funland]
(Steven wakes in a haze, a worried look on his face and a ringing in his ear, he observes Beach City Funland in ruins with giant teacups scattered across the park and several people, including the Crystal Gems, appearing hurt, except for Garnet who was standing up looking at him.)
[Time Skip - 2 weeks after the incident]
(The Gems are warping and Steven brought his ukulele with him.)
Garnet Pay attention Steven, this is going to be your first serious mission. You need to be ready.
Steven *warping upside down excitedly* Yes! I’m ready, I’m so ready!
Pearl Steven come on, you’re gonna make yourself sick. *turns him upright, gets hit in the eye by Steven’s ukulele then scoffs* Why did you bring that?
Steven *anxiously* I don’t know! I was excited, and i-it’s mine, and I like it! (The ukulele floats away and Steven swims after it.) Huh?
Pearl Steven get back here! You could get seriously-
[Trans. Gem Battlefield]
(Gems warp into battlefield, Steven warps several feet into the air and several yards away and falls, covering him in strawberry juice, Steven groans.)
Pearl ... Hurt! (Steven falls outside of warp.) Steven! Are you-
Steven *covered in strawberry juices* I-I’m fine! I’m good, I’m just.. gooey. (He licks his arm and sees a bunch of butterflies swarm up to him, clinging to his face.) Aah! They’re in my eyes! *runs frantically yelling and then trips*
Garnet *swats them away* They’re just butterflies, Steven.
Steven *gets up, laughing* Well, they looked a lot bigger when they were on my eyeballs.
Amethyst *laughs* Steven, you’re a riot!
Pearl *to Garnet* I’m suddenly having second thoughts about bringing Steven on this mission...
Garnet *puts hand on Pearl's shoulder* Shh... Just look at him. (Steven strikes pose.) Now let’s go recover the gemstone.
(Gems and Steven begin walking through the field, littered with swords stuck in the ground.)
Pearl *observing the field* Unbelievable, this was once a Gem battlefield, now it's wild strawberries as far as the eye can see! *twirls* Oh, that’s what I love about the Earth! Maybe this will be a light mission after all. *bumps into Garnet* Oomph. *backs away*
[Screen zooms out and the Pyramid Temple comes into full view]
Garnet *camera zooms out, showing the Pyramid Temple* ... Maybe not. *summons missing piece in Pyramid and places it into slot, door opens*
Steven Woah!
[Trans. Int. Pyramid Temple-Outer Chamber]
Steven *enters temple* Woah! *yelling* Steven’s the best! *echoes back* Why thank you, temple. *poses*
Amethyst You’re a doof.
Steven *runs over to floating Pyramid in the center* Hey, what’s this thing? It’s like a cool floaty triangle thing.
Pearl Whatever it is, you probably shouldn’t touch it. (Amethyst yawns.)
(Steven touches it, the gem tips over, the temple begins to shake, and the Gems quickly rush to him.)
(The Temple begins to crumble, something begins to suck them up to the ceiling.)
Pearl Steven! What have we told you about touching magical things?
Steven Definitely... always... never do it!
[Trans. Int. Pyramid Temple-Inner Chamber]
(All begin to float up and then fall straight down a hole, leading to an inner chamber. The Gems all land gracefully with different poses, except for Steven, who lands on his stomach. The hole is covered and torches light up all around them.)
Amethyst Looks like we’re gonna have to split up.
Pearl Right. Steven and I will stay right here where it seems to be safe, while you guys go and solve the mystery of this place.
Steven Wait, I want to help solve the mystery!
Amethyst Yeah, c'mon Steven, let’s solve the mystery. *picks him up*
Steven Yeah, mystery solvers!
Pearl *takes Steven* No, no no-no-no. You two are a disaster waiting to happen.
Garnet Steven goes with me.
Steven Really? Awesome!
Garnet But remember, this is a serious mission.
Steven *still being held by Pearl* Understood. Serious Steven! Pearl, can you put me down?
Pearl Wha-? Oh, yes, of course. *lets him down*
Steven I need to be standing or else it doesn’t work. Serious Steven
Pearl But this could be the teacups all over again.
Steven Hey, I’ve put that behind me! *walking down corridor, singing* Oooh, we’re on a magic treasure hunt, for some magic treasure junk! Something, something, magic something! *both enter an open room, door closes behind them* Huh?
(The room begins to randomly light glowing panels all around the room.)
Garnet We need to stay on the glowing panels.
Steven Right! Serious Steven
(He begins to dance but the temple shakes and Steven falls onto non-glowing panel. The panels change from white to red and begin to fall into a pit of open flames. Steven clings to a panel as the one beneath him falls.)
Garnet Steven! (Steven falls towards the fire pit as Garnet rushes to catch him.)
Steven *laughs* Woo hoo! That was — *changes tone* uh, seriously dangerous, thank you Garnet. *hair catches on fire*
(Steven and Garnet walk into another chamber, Steven pats away the fire on his hair and another door closes behind them, startling Steven.)
Garnet We can take a break if you’re not feeling well, Steven.
Steven Huh? Oh, no. I’m okay! Let's keep going! *flexes*
Garnet Alright, but be careful, you might trigger a trap with that gun-show.
Steven Right, I’ll put these babies away, and use my minds. *inspects wall* Maybe there’s a clue hidden in these ancient drawings. It looks like, there’s lots of triangles hidden somewhere in this room. *feels around wall, pushing in a section*
Garnet Run!
(A trap is triggered and ceiling spikes begin to descend which tears Steven’s shirt and makes him drop his ukulele. Garnet steps in and stops the spikes with her gauntlets.)
Steven Ah, my ukulele! *tunes ukulele*
Garnet *still holding up spikes* Steven! Now is probably not the best time for that.
Steven Oh, r-right! *rushes to end of chamber, Garnet follows*
Garnet Now that was a pretty close one.
Steven *laughs nervously* Yeah, that was a pretty... close... one.
(Both enter a room full of swinging blades, falling lava and spikes, Steven appears both nauseated and frightened.)
Garnet Get ready, Steven. This is gonna be intense.
[Flashback-2 weeks earlier]
(Gems and Steven prepare to ride The Teacups ride in Beach City Funland, operated by Mr. Smiley.)
Garnet *lighter tone* Get ready Steven. This is gonna be intense.
Steven I’m ready!
(On ride, Pearl holding a tea pot and Amethyst sleeping in one cup, Garnet and Steven in the other cup.)
Pearl I misunderstood the point of this ride.
Garnet This is fun, Steven.
Steven *nauseated* I think I need to get off this ride now. *jumps off ride*
Garnet Steven, no!
(Steven falls on Mr. Smiley, breaking the lever to the ride, causing all of the cups to fly off the ride, causing mass destruction, Mr. Smiley grabs Steven by the shirt.)
Mr. Smiley *laughs* Steven! You are banned from all the rides, forever!
[Time Skip—present]
(Garnet and Steven are at the end of the chamber.)
Steven Whoa. We made it?
Garnet I carried you while you took a nap. *walks off*
Steven N-nap?! *catches up, both return to the main chamber*
Garnet We’re back where we started.
Steven Whaaat?
Pearl Garnet, there you are! The doors and rooms here make no sense, they all bring you here!
Amethyst *running out of a door groaning* Get me out of here! *runs into another*
Pearl There are sixteen doors, and we entered from the northeast and went through three consecutive rooms in a straight line... (Amethyst returns, a bear trap on her head, which she removes, and runs through another door.) But arrived back here out the southern-most door, which could only mean... well, I don’t know what it means! I— (Amethyst slides in, frozen in a block of ice.) This is a death trap! *tries to break Amethyst free with spear*
Steven W-What do we do?
Garnet We go back in. Again, and again, and again, and again.
Steven I can’t!
Pearl *concerned* Steven.
Garnet It’s okay.
Steven No, no it’s not, you were all right about me. I wanted to do this so bad, but now I feel like I’m gonna throw up. This is just like the teacups!
Pearl Oh Steven, I-I didn’t really mean that.
Steven Wait! Ah! Wait you guys, what if this is just like the teacups? That’s why we’re getting so lost. That’s why I’m feeling so sick. All the rooms are spinning us around so we end up here!
(Garnet punches through the center of the room, breaking the floor and revealing a hidden lower room filled with spinning upside down pyramids, orbiting around a central floating obelisk embedded with a gemstone.)
Steven Whoa!
Pearl This is unbelievable! *projects hologram of rooms* This Gem-powered mechanism! It's manipulating the rooms above. Every room we entered spun us until we came back to the central chamber! It’s just like the teacups ride at Funland!
Garnet Steven already figured that out!
Pearl *embarrassed* Oh... *hides hologram*
Steven *notices gemstone, gasps* Garnet, I need to get off the ride now.
Garnet *nods* Serious Steven
(Steven lands on the obelisk, and tugs at the gemstone in the center causing it to glow and then eject. Once the power source is removed, the Pyramid’s energy becomes absorbed back into the gemstone causing the Temple to explode, creating a massive crater. The Gems emerge from the surrounding bushes.)
[Trans. Gem Battlefield]
Pearl Steven? Steven?! Where is he?
Amethyst Ahh, he’s over here.
Steven *still holding gem, covered in strawberry juice once more* The Gem...
Pearl *bubbles gemstone* Ah, I’d say you handled that adventure very well. *bubbles gemstone away*
Amethyst Yeah, nice job, “Serious Steven”.
Garnet I prefer regular Steven. *hands over ukulele*
Steven Hey, my ukulele! *tunes ukulele and then sings* Oh... that's the end of another day. It was mighty serious, I'd have to say. The Crystal Gems looked really cool when they made the temple exploo — *butterflies swarm him* — oodde! Aah! They’re in my eyes again! *runs around frantically*
[END]


ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen it RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' Head
Shorts The Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time