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Season 1

You can see it on my blog, Keep Beach City Weird!

—"Cat Fingers"

Steven's PREGNANT?!?!?

—"Steven's Lion"

I bet you're not even pregnant...

—"Steven's Lion"

This is a restricted zone! Only those with special clearance may enter!
Steven: ... May, I have special clearance?
Hmmmm, granted.

—"Keep Beach City Weird"

Snake People, or 'Sneople', control our government at the highest levels! Look! *shows Steven a dollar* The Snake represents their hold on our country, the diamond represents their underground mines, or their sharp teeth...the details aren’t important. They pit us mammals against each other with elections, sports and Anime message boards. We spend so much time fighting over 'dubs' or 'subs' that we miss the big picture!

—"Keep Beach City Weird"

Don't get hung up on these minor facts. Truth is about more than that, truth is a feeling in your gut that you know is true! Truth is searching for anything that proves you're right no matter how small, and holding on to that, no matter what.

—"Keep Beach City Weird"

You gotta look at the big picture here! Something important is finally happening to me!

—"Keep Beach City Weird"

How did I never see this before? *peers at dollar bill* I know what the diamond means.... Polymorphic sentient rocks!!!!

—"Keep Beach City Weird"

They're here to hollow out the Earth! It's part of the Great Diamond Authority! They’ll take on any form, you can read all about it... on my blog!

—"Keep Beach City Weird"

What? You're only selling them for five dollars!? Hey everybody!! Come get a Watermelon Steven! He's practically giving them away! Hurry before they're gone forever!

—"Watermelon Steven"

Yo, Steven, are you sure you can see with the couch in your way?

—"Horror Club"

Season 2

As an aficionado of the weird yourself, you've probably noticed ordinary people fear the cold leaded anchor of the truth. The abyss is no Sunday swan drive.

—"Full Disclosure"

Sounds typical. But it's a good reminder. This is no easy path we've chosen here. There are... sacrifices. Look at them all down there, Steven. It's our duty to let those simple people live out their simple lives, without ever knowing the burden of being friends with us.

—"Full Disclosure"

You can't make up drama this good!

—"Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"

With the space hand closing in for a high-five of the third kind, we fled the town. But then, just as mysteriously as the space hand appeared, it exploded into an explosion.

—"Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"

Everyone was too afraid to realize that they were actually afraid. Beach City needed a hero, and that hero would have to be me.

—"Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"

Season 3

I'm full... of sadness!

—"Restaurant Wars"

Season 4

Well, technically, it's an infozine pamphlet, but I've been calling them "Ronalphlets."

—"Rocknaldo"

Good day, loyal followers of Keep Beach City Weird. I've come to you today because I pride myself in bringing you the truth about all the weird stuff in Beach City the Man doesn't want you to know about. But today, I need to tell you some truths about this man! I've mixed up what is right and wrong and ended up saying some pretty mean things about the Crystal Gems. I feel terrible about my mistake because I know more than anyone what it's like to do thankless work and to be an outsider. That's why I'm joining the Crystal Gems!

—"Rocknaldo"

Well, I care so much, I think it'd be, like, deep in my heart. Or like a million tiny gems, like one crushed-up gem coursing through my blood, like-like... Bloodstone!

—"Rocknaldo"

I got it at DelmarvaCon last year. It's a replica from the anime I Can't Believe My Stepdad's My Sword. It can cut through a carton of milk like a carton of butter!

—"Rocknaldo"


ve Character quotes
Crystal Gems Half: Steven Universe

Unfused: Rose Quartz • PearlAmethystRuby • Sapphire • Peridot • Bismuth
Fusions: Garnet • Alexandrite • Opal • Sardonyx • Sugilite
Hybrid Fusions: Stevonnie • Smoky Quartz

Homeworld Gems Unfused: Aquamarine • Diamonds (Blue Diamond • Yellow Diamond) • Pearls (Blue PearlYellow Pearl) • Quartz (Holly Blue Agate • Jasper) • Rubies (ArmyDocEyeballLeggyNavy)

Fusions: Malachite

Other Unaligned Gems: Lapis Lazuli • Padparadscha • Rutile Twins

Other: Holo-Pearl

Humans Main: Greg Universe • Connie Maheswaran • Lars Barriga • Sadie Miller

Recurring: Andy DeMayo • Bill Dewey • Buck Dewey • Peedee Fryman • Ronaldo Fryman • Jamie • Kevin • Dr. Priyanka Maheswaran • Marty • Barbara Miller • Jenny Pizza • Nanefua Pizza • Harold Smiley • Sour Cream • Vidalia