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Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "Onion Trade". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Lars and the Cool Kids" Next: "Steven the Sword Fighter"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Ext. Beach House]
(Amethyst lounges on a chair, outside the Beach House.)
Steven *calls Amethyst from inside the Beach House* Amethyst?
Amethyst Outside, dude~
Steven *exits house* Have you seen Ranger Guy?
Amethyst Ex... cuse me?
Steven Ranger Guy, one of my G.U.Y.S. You know, G.U.Y.S.? (Amethyst stares blankly; cuts to clip of Steven's head as he names the guys around him; his head is replaced by Ranger Guy.) G.U.Y.S.
Pearl *from within house* What's that I hear? *exits house* You can't find one of your little men in that super junky room of yours.
Steven It's not THAT bad.
Pearl E-hm. *opens window as a seagull wearing a banana peel on its head and carrying a slice of pizza, escapes*
Steven *nervously* How'd that get in there?
Pearl You left your window wide open for things to just *swats air* fly in and out.
Amethyst Aw, give him a break, P. My room's messy, but I always find what I'm looking for.
Pearl Then, why haven't you found my magic axe?
Amethyst I haven't looked for it yet.
Pearl Amethyst, go and find it right this second.
Amethyst Hey, feel free to go look for it yourself.
Pearl There's no way I'm going into that dump!
(Steven walks away.)
Amethyst *sighs* Pearl, all your nagging's made Steven depressed.
Pearl Is everything okay, Steven?
Steven Yeah... I'm fine, just got to break the bad news to my dad.
[Trans. It's A Wash]
(Steven wanders around the car wash looking for his father.)
Steven Dad... Dad... (A hose sprays him with water.) Augh! I'm so sorry!
Greg Yeah, you're sorry, sorry you walked through that door without a hose in your hand! Ready for battle! Aaaah! *sprays harder*
Steven *blocks spray* Wait!
Greg Man, you look sad and wet. What happened to your life, little guy?
Steven *still holding hose* I... lost something... something precious.
Greg *gasps* Your innocence?!
Steven I lost Ranger Guy. (Greg stares blankly.) One of my G.U.Y.S.? From our special day at the beach last summer? You bought him for me at the end of the day. He was one of a kind. He had a miscolored hat, how could you not remember?
Greg Oh, was this the same day we ate that awesome funnel cake?
Steven Uh... Huh?
Greg Yeah, man, that funnel cake. Ha, I even kept the plate. Come on! *motions Steven to follow*
(Greg and Steven walk towards his van, which he opens in search of the action figure.)
Steven *balloons fly out* Cool balloons.
Greg *begins rummaging through van* Ah, let's see here. Got some cans, napkins, oh, a yo-yo! A book about yo-yo tricks, a sandwich I've been meaning to catch up on. (Steven flings a marble at Greg's butt.) Ow, my butt! (Steven laughs.) ... Wait. What's your story again?
Steven I lost my special Ranger Guy, and I'm quite upset over it.
Greg Huh, well, here's a bag full of quarters. *pushes bag to Steven* Now you can get all the G.U.Y.S. you want.
Steven *gasps and whisper shouts* *makes eye stars* Thank you!!!!
Greg What'd you say?
Steven *yells* THANK YOU!!!
[Trans. Funland Arcade]
(Steven stands in front a line of vending machines, the G.U.Y.S. machine, specifically.)
Steven We'll be reunited soon, Ranger Guy. Here we go. *puts quarter in, machine whirls and blinks as it picks at random* And-
G.U.Y.S. Machine Dave Guy! *dispenses Dave Guy figure in plastic capsule*
Steven What?!
G.U.Y.S. Machine Lucky!
Steven Not lucky! He's, like, the worst G.U.Y.! *grabs dispensed toy* Maybe he comes with something cool. *opens capsule, grabs toy prop tax form* Taxes? Come on, Dave Guy, is this all you have to offer? A bunch of paperwork? Answer me! Thank goodness I have all these quarters. *puts quarter in*
G.U.Y.S. Machine Dave Guy!
Steven No! *inserts another quarter*
G.U.Y.S. Machine Dave Guy!
Steven Stop it! *throws the Dave Guy capsule at machine*
G.U.Y.S. Machine Dave Guy!
Steven Ranger Guy-y-y... *falls back exhausted, a large pile of Dave Guys by his feet in a bag*
G.U.Y.S. Machine This machine is out of G.U.Y.S. Please try again another time.
Steven It's over. *snack machine shakes and Onion pops out with a snack* Huh? Oh, Onion. What are you doing? (Onion ignores him and walks away, Steven notices a toy in his back pocket, gasps.) He's got a Ranger Guy?! Onion! Wait up! let's trade! *packs up all his Dave Guy toys and tries to catch up to him* Which way did he go?
[Trans. Ext. Suitcase Sam's]
(Steven follows Onion to Suitcase Sam's and observes him through the window as he haggles with Suitcase Sam.)
Steven Oh, I guess he needs a suitcase? Is he haggling with that guy? He's a tough customer. (Sam gives Onion a bag.) Looks like they worked something out. (Onion exits, Steven notices the bag is a lunch bag.) Huh? Did he get that guy's lunch? I wonder how this is gonna play out. *follows Onion*
[Trans. Beach City Pier]
(Steven observes Onion as he sits on the pier with the bagged lunch.)
Steven (Onion takes out hamburger.) Oh, man. Hey good lookin'... (Onion takes apart food and throws it into the water. Steven gasps.) What the heck is he doing?! He's not even hungry?! Oh, not the tomatoes!
(A boat suddenly pulls into the Pier. Yellowtail, a bearded man in a yellow slicker jumps out and greets Onion, lifting him up.)
Steven Hey, is that... Onion's dad?
(Onion and Yellowtail communicate via murmurs; Steven cannot understand.)
Steven I guess they don't need words.
(Yellowtail jumps back into his boat and sails off, waving to his son.)
Steven Huh? He's leaving so soon? (Onion is still looking at his dad leaving.) Does Onion just... sit around and wait for his dad all day? *notices Ranger Guy, gasps* Ranger Guy! Okay, let's do this. *approaches Onion on the dock* Hey, Onion, how are ya? (Onion shrugs.) That's good, that's good. I couldn't help but notice that you're a G.U.Y.S. fan. (Onion stares blankly.) You know, G.U.Y.S.? (Onion still stares blankly.) The little man in your back pocket? (Onion pulls out the toy.) Yeah, Ranger Guy! How would you like to trade that boring old Ranger Guy for a brand spankin' new, mint in box, Dave Guy? *pulls out a Dave Guy from bag* Pretty nice, right? (Onion shakes his head, motions upwards for more.) Oh, I see where this is going. You're getting quite the deal here, with TWO Dave Guys! (Onion shakes his head and motions for more.) What? You want more? Like, two more? Five more? Ten more? Twenty more? This whole bag? All thirty of these Dave Guys for just one Ranger Guy. (Onion shakes his head to all of these, motions for more again.) But there aren't anymore. The machine is empty; I bought them all. (Onion walks away.) Where are you going? Hey! Let's work something out! (Onion leaves.) Ranger Guy!
[Trans. Ext. Beach House]
(Steven returns to the house while Amethyst remains lounging, unmoved, on the deck.)
Steven (frustrated) Ugh, stupid Dave Guy. Got no future, your hair cut's gross, you smell bad.
Amethyst *laughs* You talking about Pearl?
Steven No, I'm talking about dumb old Dave Guy. I mean just look at him. *pulls out a Dave Guy* Does it look like his life is going anywhere?
Amethyst Aw, cut him a break. Maybe this is the year he gets his life together. Maybe he'll get a cool internship.
Steven I doubt it. I can't even trade thirty Dave Guys with Onion to get ONE Ranger Guy.
Amethyst So you need more of that little man to get some other little man?
Steven Yeah, and the machine's sold out of them.
(Amethyst pulls out the Replicator Wand from her hair.)
Steven What is that?
Amethyst Pearl's Replicator Wand. You can use it to make copies of stuff. You're magic, I'm sure you can figure out how to use it.
Steven Have you been sitting here all day with this in your hair?
Amethyst Nah, I got up to look for Pearl's dumb axe but found that instead. Then I replicated a bunch of garbage and stuffed it all in Pearl's Room. *snickers maliciously*
[Trans. Beach City Boardwalk]
(Onion throws ketchup packets on the ground and runs them over with his moped, performing tricks on it until it spins out from under him and explodes, causing a wall of fire to erupt in front of him. Steven approaches from behind.)
Steven Hey, Onion! *replicates Dave Guy and shoots wand so a Dave Guy appears at Onion's feet* That makes 31. (Onion shakes his head and approaches.) You want more? *shoots wand* 31? 32? 33? 34? 35? 36? 37? 38? 39? 40?! (Each time, Onion continues to approach stoically without yielding.) Enough! What is it that you want?! (Onion points to the Wand, and pulls out Ranger Guy.) You mean, you want this, for Ranger Guy? (Onion nods, Steven's hands nervously shake, as he hands over the wand, Onion's face becomes wan, and ominous. Sirens can be heard in the background.)
[Trans. Beach]
(Steven plays with Ranger Guy.)
Steven We are on the scene with Ranger Guy on Beach Patrol. *pretending to be Ranger Guy* "Things are looking just great out here, Steven." Yup, everything is great... Great... *falls on back* Were you always this boring, Ranger Guy? *in voice* "I used to be a doctor." Maybe you're just more fun around other— (A Dave Guy suddenly falls on him.) G.U.Y.S.? Dave Guy? I thought I saw the last of— (Another Dave Guy falls on him, followed by a steady stream of Dave Guys falling.) Hey, what's the big i— *notices massive wave of Dave Guys* —dea... ? *gasps* Onion... !
[Trans. Ext. Funland Arcade]
(Gems approach Onion as he stands atop a massive mountain of Dave Guys which spans higher than the Funland Arcade building and as wide as the entire Boardwalk, and shoots Dave Guys straight up into the air with the wand.)
Pearl This is ridiculous. How did he get my Replicator?
Garnet That child should not be in possession of such an item.
Amethyst Aren't these Steven's little men? *gets hit with a Dave Guy* Oh!
Steven *from beneath pile of G.U.Y.S.* They're called GUYS!
Pearl Can you please explain this mess?
Steven I traded that Replicator for Ranger Guy.
Pearl Steven, why didn't you just replicate Ranger Guy?
Steven ... Dang it!
Garnet Let's go before this gets any worse. (Garnet and Pearl jump off.)
Amethyst *sinks, waist-deep, into G.U.Y.S.* Wah! How do you move in this stuff?
Steven Try and act like a rich duck. *dives under pile*
Amethyst What does that mean?
Greg *pops up in front of Amethyst* Oh my gosh, I just wanted some ice cream!
Amethyst Hi, Greg.
Greg What the heck is going on out here?
Amethyst Eh, you know, just doing our thing.
(Garnet and Pearl attempt to climb the massive pile of G.U.Y.S. capsules to reach Onion.)
Garnet *to Onion* Hand it over! It doesn't belong to you. (Onion turns the wand on Garnet and shoots a steady stream of capsules at her, which she blocks with her gauntlet.) (Pearl shouts.)
Garnet This is not a game.
(Onion stops, replicates a car outside of Garnet and Pearl's field of view.)
Pearl What did he shoot? (Onion replicates a car above them.)
Garnet Go under! (She pushes Pearl under the pile and catches the car, but Onion buries her under a pile of cars.) *grunts*
(Greg and Amethyst wade through Dave Guys.)
Greg Well, at least it stopped raining toys... *car falls from above*
Amethyst Ah, rich duck! *pushes Greg under pile and follows after, car falls on top of it*
(Steven sneaks up on Onion from below the pile.)
Steven Oooon-ioooon!!! *tackles Onion off pile and grasps the wand* Oof! Onion, please stop! Let's trade back. Take Ranger Guy, he's the best. He even has a miscolored ha— *turns toy over, notices his own initials on feet, gasps* This is MY Ranger Guy! You traded me my own Guy! Our trade didn't count! *takes wand from Onion, tosses it on ground attempting to break it* That didn't work.
Pearl *pops up from pile* I'm never letting Amethyst borrow anything again. (Garnet steps on the wand, crushing it.) Garnet!
Garnet I'm not cleaning up this mess. *piles of replicates begin to disappear en masse*
Steven I think I understand why you took my Ranger Guy, Onion. I bet you get pretty lonely waiting for your dad all day. (Onion nods.) You were probably really bored too. (Onion nods.) And 'cause you missed your dad, you took my Ranger Guy, which is symbolic of the relationship I have with my dad. (Onion shakes head.) No, just the first thing? (Onion nods.) Well, here. *hands over Ranger Guy* You need him more than I do.
Garnet Let's go. (The Gems walk away.)
Amethyst So, all the stuff that got copied turned into nothing?
Pearl Yep.
Amethyst Rats...
(Greg approaches Steven.)
Greg That was really cool what you did back there.
Steven Thanks, Dad.
Greg But you went through all that trouble for a toy?
Steven It was more about the memories than the toy. Now we have new memories— horrible, horrible memories.
Greg Aww.
[END]
ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen it RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate Ending
Season 5 TBA
Shorts The Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time

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