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Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "Onion Friend". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Keystone Motel" Next: "Historical Friction"
Speaker Dialogue
(Steven is preparing a bagel sandwich.)
Steven Yesss... Perfectly timed afternoon sandwich... complete. *about to eat it* Wait, I can't eat such a perfect sandwich all on its own, it needs a side! But what? (Amethyst's door opens and she walks out.) Oh! Hey, Amethyst! I made lunch! You wanna eat this empty container?
Amethyst No, thanks.
Steven O-okay! You've seen Garnet or Pearl?
Amethyst Nope.
Steven Any... idea where they might be?
Amethyst I dunno? Somewhere not talking to each other?
Steven Hmmm... *thinks* Wait, I know what this meal needs! *opens a cupboard* A bag of- *gasps* Onion!?
(Onion is shown inside the cupboard and is holding a bag of Chaaaaps, Onion then jumps out of the cupboard.)
Steven What the- ? (Steven runs to the door and shuts it before Onion can leave.) Oh no you don't!
(Onion looks at Steven and then proceeds to jump through the screen window.)
Steven *shouting* ONION! (Steven opens Beach House's door, as Onion is running away.) We just put that screen in! (Steven chases after Onion.) Come back here! Those were going to complete my perfect lunch! *breathing heavily* It's a special flavor that's only in stores for a limited time! (Onion looks back at Steven and keeps running.) I know how you are with food, you're not even going to eat them! At least let me have just one! (Onion runs into the garage of his house and Steven follows, and Steven is very sweaty.) This... is it, Onion, nowhere to hide! *enters the garage* Now just... just drop the bag and, uh... Onion? [The view pans to many paintings of Amethyst] Uh... Amethyst!? Uh... That's really weird... *exits the house and brings Amethyst* Um... so... I always knew Onion was weird, but... [Camera focuses on one of the paintings of Amethyst] I think he's obsessed with you... What do you think, Amethyst?
Vidalia *off-screen* Who's in there? I don't know how you got past that tarp, *on-screen, holding a shotgun* but this is private property!
Amethyst Vidalia!?
Vidalia Amethyst!?
Amethyst and Vidalia *hug each other then laugh*
Vidalia It's been years!
Amethyst Man, you've changed! You look TERRIBLE! *laughs*
Vidalia You look the same... *smiles* terrible!
Amethyst and Vidalia *laughs again*
Steven Wait, whaaat? Who's she? How do you know each other?
Amethyst Oh, we both kinda hung around your dad, but Vidalia's cooler than your dad, so... we started hanging out without him.
Vidalia *looks surprised* Is that Steven? Look at him! He looks just like Greg! That's good, that's good. He used to be super hot. *smiles and laughs, as well as Amethyst*
Steven *blushes* Uh... so... did you paint these when you used to hang out?
Vidalia Yeah, some of them. Some are new, though. Amethyst was my favorite model! *winks to Amethyst* Can you still turn into anything?
Amethyst Heh... Anything *shape-shifts to a form similar to the painting behind her* but respectable.
Vidalia *laughs* Oh, man... We used to get into all sorts of trouble. *gives a photo to Steven* Now tell me, Steven, aren't we just the spitting image of mischief?
Amethyst Pfff... hardly! *laughs* You're wearing slippers.
Vidalia *takes photo back* You don't know what I've done in these shoes. *both laugh* It's great to see you again... Sorry, it's been so long. I guess we've both been busy.
Amethyst Oh, yeah... I get it. Kids. *grabs Steven*
(Onion enters holding a pair of scissors and hugs Vidalia.)
Steven What about kids?
Vidalia Oh, here's one now!
Steven *surprised, shouting* YOU'RE ONION'S MOM!?
Vidalia *giggles and lifts Onion* Yup, he's my little troublemaker. *takes scissors and throws them away* And Steven, he loves talking about you. (Onion mumbles in Vidalia's ear.) Oh! That's a great idea! Steven, Amethyst, Onion wants to know if you'd like to stay for dinner.
Steven Ummm-
Amethyst *interrupts Steven* We'd love to! *laughs* R-Right Steven? Onion's like, your best friend? *off screen* Now tell me what you did in those shoes, girl.
[Transition to kitchen]
Amethyst Mmm! I can't eat another bite of... heh, whatever that was.
Vidalia Oh, it's just a little dish I like to call noodles and butter.
Amethyst I can't believe how long it's been! I mean, check this guy out! I used to be bigger than him! *laughs, then sighs* Do you ever hear from ol' Farty Marty?
Vidalia Him? *laughs* I dunno where that fool is! Don't care either. It's just been me and Yellowtail for a while now. *screen zooms in on her wedding ring*
Amethyst Whaaaat? Yellowtail?
Vidalia Yeah, things just kinda happened. *points at young Sour Cream and baby Onion's photo* Next thing you know, I'm living with a fisherman. Hahah, you should see your face right now.
(While Amethyst and Vidalia are chatting, Steven greets Sour Cream.)
Steven Hey, Sour Cream!
(Sour Cream is listening to music on his earphones. He responds to Steven with a hand sign, then continues listening to music.)
Amethyst *laughs* I just didn't expect any of this!
Vidalia Well, it's just how it is now.
(Onion sculpting his mashed potatoes into something.)
Amethyst So where's ol' Fishtail at?
(Steven glares at Onion. Onion then turns his plate around to reveal that he sculpted his mashed potatoes into a rough statue of Steven's head.)
Vidalia *quietly, in the background* Uh, it's Yellowtail... He spends a lot of time out at sea somewhere.
(Onion finishes a Steven-shaped sculpture of mashed potatoes.)
Steven *happily* Hey! It's me!
Amethyst *quietly, in the background* Haha, dude, you used to complain so much about the smell of the docks.
(Onion disturbingly licks the back of the mashed potatoes stack and chews. Stevens glares at him again, and Onion opens his mouth to let the chewed-up mashed potatoes spill out on the table.)
Vidalia *quietly, in the background* It used to be so gross over there, now there are these fancy boats around. Remember when we snuck under the mayor's boat and trashed it?
Steven Why do you hate food?
Amethyst *quietly in the background* Ha ha, yeah, I remember.
(Scene changes to Vidalia washing the dishes.)
Vidalia What about you, Amethyst?
Amethyst Huh?
Vidalia You haven't said a word about yourself all night.
Amethyst Well, that's because my life is boring.
Vidalia Alright, how are the Gems?
Amethyst I dunno. *sighs* They're boring too.
Steven Okay, thanks for dinner, time to go! Right, Amethyst?
Amethyst What's the hurry? We've got nothing to do. Besides, an Amethyst-Vidalia party don't end 'till the sun come up.
Onion Mama!
Vidalia What's that?
Onion *mumbling*
Vidalia Oh! That's a great idea. Steven, Onion wants to show you around the house. What do you say? Can Onion show you around?
Steven *sweats and stares at Onion as the electricity begins to falter* Uhhh! What's going on?
Vidalia Oh, whenever Sour Cream starts DJing, it uses all the electricity in the house. Good thing Yellowtail's not here. It drives him nuts.
Amethyst Dude! Your house is jacked.
Vidalia What can you do? Kids gotta express themselves.
Onion *slams his hands on the mashed potato, splattering it everywhere*
Vidalia *laughs* You too, Onion. Very expressive. *looks at Steven* Looks like he's ready for you, Steven.
Onion *stares at Steven and smiles slightly, as Steven stares back*
[Trans. to Onion's room]
Steven *looks around* Uh... cool shopping cart. *Onion runs past him* Ah!
(Onion hops onto a small trampoline and then onto his bed; he then starts jumping up and down on the bed.)
Steven Why don't you just jump up and down on that trampoline? I mean, it's like, right there. But it's your room, so do whatever you want. (A mouse crawls onto Steven's foot, and he gasps.) You have a little mousey roommate friend! Awww! Oh?
Onion *jumps off the bed and scoops up the mouse when it runs close to him*
Steven Is that your pet?
Onion *walks over to a large container*
Steven Oh, that must be where he lives, right? Let me help you put him in his home. *looks into the container* This is a pretty large container for a little baby—SNAKE!? Onion, you want me to feed our little friend to this snake, huh?
Onion *nods*
Steven Oh. *shudders and groans, and then looks at the mouse* Sorry, but... we all gotta eat. I... can't... ugh! *hands the mouse to Onion* Just take him from me! I-I'll be over here! *runs off-screen*
Onion *holds the mouse by its tail*
Steven *shivers and sweats as he hears squeaking, and then the sound of the container closing*
Onion *walks over to Steven*
Steven Uh... you don't have any more... weird pets to show me, do you?
Onion *walks over to a television with a VCR player*
Steven You... gonna put on a movie? That'd be nice- *Onion inserts a VHS tape* and not creepy at all. (He and Onion begin to watch the tape.) Cool hospital setting.
Vidalia *on tape* Okay, I'm ready.
Steven Hey, that's your mom!
Vidalia *on tape* I'm ready!
Steven What's she getting ready for?
Vidalia *on tape* *moaning* Ohhh, oh, Yellowtail... I think... *moans louder* It's happening!
Steven *covering eyes* Ah! Wait! What's going on?
Onion *shows the VHS case to Steven*
Vidalia *on tape* *moaning* Here he comes!
Steven *reads writing on VHS case* "Happy... birthday... Onion"? Is this you being born!? Ahh! *covers his eyes again as more moans from the video are heard*
Onion *turns off the television*
Steven *sighs* I can't take much more of this.
Onion *climbs onto his bed and peels off a poster, revealing a secret passage*
Steven Where... ?
Onion *beckons with his hand, making a scary expression, while the electricity falters again*
Steven *starts to leave the room through the door* Okay, I'm out, can't do this anymore, need to go home. *walks downstairs* Amethyst, I'm sorry, but it's time to- *stops and watches Amethyst and Vidalia*
Amethyst *sitting on the sofa with Vidalia, who is drinking tea* Even Garnet! Like, I've never seen Garnet this upset. *sighs* It's awful at home. I feel trapped.
Vidalia That's crazy! I know what you mean though.
Amethyst You do?
Vidalia Hey, we don't always get along in this family. Yellowtail and Sour Cream are always at each other's throats. It makes me nuts. Actually, when I get like that, I think about you! And how you could always just roll with it.
Amethyst Whaaat? No, that was you! You were so, ah, cool! *cut to Steven's shocked face* I was just like, a dumb sponge following you around.
Vidalia But you were down for anything, not afraid of anything. You know how much I wanted to be like you? *sighs* I still think about it. To be honest, that's why I started painting you again. I'm... I'm inspired by you, Amethyst. Ooh, looks like I'm gonna need more tea! *holds up teabag* You wanna eat this bag?
Amethyst Yeah! *laughs* My favorite.
Vidalia Okay, I'll be riiight back. Good thing the kids are keeping themselves busy.
Steven *sighs and walks back upstairs* Okay Onion, let's do this. Whatever weird or horrible thing you have planned for me, I can take it.
Onion *crawls into the hidden vent, followed by Steven*
Steven *panting* Hey, slow down! *keeps crawling through the vent after Onion, and it gradually gets darker* Oh boy, this is gonna be bad. U-uh... Onion, where are you?
Onion *turns on the light and is standing in a small room*
Steven What's this room? *climbs out of the vent and grunts* Oof!
Onion *walks to a small chest near the middle of the room*
Steven What's in there? Something horrible?
Onion *opens the chest and smiles*
Steven *sweats and gasps* Onion! It's full of G.U.Y.S! *picks up one of the figures* Wow! I've never seen this red variant of Ninja Guy before! You have G.A.L.S. too? *picks up each figure and names it* Hard-hat Gal, Triangle Gal, Orange Gal, Karen! Karen... How did you get a hold of...? No, don't tell me.
Onion *hands something to Steven*
Steven Hm? ...No way! It's... Explorer Gal! She's so cool-looking! *begins to give the figure back to Onion* Thanks for showing her to m-- *Onion refuses to take back the figure* ... Y-You should take your Explorer Gal back.
Onion *shakes his head*
Steven Are you... giving this to me?
Onion *nods*
Steven *gasps* I can't believe it! Thank you so much, Onion! Oh man, what other G.A.L.S. and G.U.Y.S. you got?
Onion *shows an empty looking capsule to Steven*
Steven Huh, cool. Invisible Guy.
[Time Skip—night outside the Onion's house, Steven and Amethyst are leaving]
Vidalia And stay out! *laughs*
Amethyst Umm, thanks for dinner. And for listening.
Vidalia Well- thanks for breaking into my house! And don't worry about that other stuff. It's gonna blow over. You're a rock! That's what you are, right?
Amethyst Eh, something like that.
Vidalia Well, whatever you are, don't be a stranger.
Amethyst Yeah, I can stop by any time if you need... "inspiration".
Vidalia *laughs*
Amethyst Or if you want, you could come over to the temple sometime too. You could even bring Onion for Steven to hang with.
Steven *gives a start*
Vidalia Oh, well, that sounds great to us. What about you, Steven? Ready for another round with this guy? *looks at Onion*
Steven *smiles at Onion*
Onion *opens mouth to reveal the mouse from earlier; it squeaks and hops out of his mouth*
(Star wipe closes around Steven.)
Steven *stares and sweats, and then laughs nervously* Yeah, we'll see!
(Star wipe completely closes in.)
[END]
ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen it RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyDoug OutThe Good LarsLion 4: Alternate EndingAre You My Dad?I Am My MomStuck TogetherThe Trial
Season 5 TBA
Shorts The Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time

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