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Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "[[Laser Light Cannon (episode)|]]". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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Speaker Dialogue
[Open Ext. Beach Citywalk Fries]
(Steven and Amethyst run toward the counter of Beach Citywalk Fries.)
Steven Hey, Fryman, give me the bits!
Mr. Fryman *flips sign* Steven! We’re closed.
Steven *disappointed* Aww, what?
Amethyst *hits counter* Give 'em the bits! *chants while continuously hitting the counter* The bits, the bits... (Steven joins in.)
Steven & Amethyst *both chanting* The BITS! The BITS! The BITS! *banging on counter*
Mr. Fryman Okay, okay! Take it easy on the counter, will ya? *goes to cook fry bits*
Steven & Amethyst Yes! *high-five each other*
Mr. Fryman *hands Steven a bag of fry bits* I can give you actual fries if you want.
Steven Just the bits, please. *takes bag* Thanks. *walking away while Amethyst picks a handful of bits* Ah, sunset, my favorite time of day. When the sun goes down, and the second sun gets bigger and bigger in the sky.
Amethyst *bursts out laughing* Yeah, that big hot second su— *gasps, notices the Red Eye* Oh no, what is that doing here?
Steven What is it? (Amethyst picks him up and runs while Steven drops his bits.) Ah, my bits!
[Trans. beach near Crystal Temple
Garnet This is bad.
Pearl *peering through telescope* Look at the size of it, I had no idea these things were so big!
Amethyst *running towards them carrying Steven* Garnet! Pearl!
Pearl We saw. Some of us are trying to protect humanity. *angry* Where were you?
Amethyst *puts Steven down* ... Eating fry bits. (Pearl sighs.)
Steven Oh, can I see? *peers* Woah. It's a giant eyeball! Awesome!
Pearl *angrily* NOT awesome! It's a Red Eye!
Steven A Red Eye?! It’s going to infect us all!
Garnet That’s pink eye, Steven. (Amethyst laughs.)
Pearl It’s going to crash into Beach City and crush us, along with a bunch of oblivious, innocent people! We have to stop it.
Steven What are we going to do?
Garnet *adjusts visor* The only thing powerful enough to destroy it is a Light Cannon that belonged to Rose Quartz.
Steven My mom?
Amethyst *moans angrily* If Rose were here, this would be so easy.
Pearl I know, but she’s not, and the cannon is missing. We’ll have to find another solution.
Steven If it belonged to my mom, I bet my dad knows where it is. He can help us save the day! *silence* Huh? Eah?!
Pearl *sugarcoats her opinion of Greg* Greg is... nice, Steven, but I doubt Rose would entrust someone like him with such a powerful weapon.
Amethyst Your dad is kind of a mess, Steven. *puts hand on Steven's shoulder*
Pearl AMETHYST!
Amethyst I’m just sayin’, even if she did leave it with him, he probably broke it, or lost it, or dropped it in the ocean by now.
Garnet True.
Steven No way, I’m sure he’s just keeping it somewhere safe. I’ll go ask him.
Garnet We can handle this, Steven. *to Amethyst* Ready?
(Garnet picks up Amethyst and tosses her at the Red Eye, to no effect, making Amethyst fall into the ocean.)
Steven Ugh, I’m gonna go.
Pearl *half-heartedly* ... Okay, good luck.
[Ext. It's a Wash]
Steven *bangs on van doors* Dad, it’s me! Dad, are you in there? Wake up! We have to save... the— WORLD! *climbs on van* Dad! *trips and sets off car alarm* *smiles*
Greg *bursts out with a waffle iron* Who’s there? I have a waffle iron!
Steven *on top of the van* Dad, it’s me!
Greg *looks up* Steven? (Steven jumps down and hugs his dad.) I almost waffled your face! What are you doing up so late?
Steven What do you mean? The sun just went down an hour ago.
Greg *blushes* Oh, heh. It was a... slow day at the car wash. Anyway, what’s up? Just needed to see your old man, pal around, learn some lessons about life?
Steven *blushes* No! I need the light cannon that belonged to Mom, to blow up that eyeball! *points to the Red Eye*
Greg Eyeball?
Steven *points* That!
Amethyst (Amethyst is seen flying towards the Red Eye, but falls back into the ocean.) Raaaah!!!
Greg Wait, is that a magical thing? The Gems told me not to get involved with magic stuff. It... it could be dangerous or interfere with what’s left of my hair. *rubs hair*
Steven But they need Mom’s cannon. You've gotta know where it is, like a cave dungeon or a cloud fortress, or in a clam at the bottom of the ocean!
Greg Well, I don’t know about all that. But I have an idea where it might be.
[Ext. U-Stor]
Steven A magical storage unit! *rushes to U-Stor*
Greg Ha, not exactly. But some would say there’s magic inside. *winks as Steven who looks at him cluelessly* It’s just a shed I use to keep things that don’t fit in the van. If it’s anywhere, it’ll be in here.
(He opens the door and reveals a shed filled to the brim with boxes and clutter.)
Steven If I’m going in there, I’m gonna need some gear. *ties a flashlight to his head with sock and electric cord wrapped around waist* Here I go.
Greg Good luck!
Steven *crawls into shed* Woah, cool! It’s like a dad museum. *goes deeper* There it is! *pulls down golf clubs* Do you golf?
Greg Eh, I’d like to think of myself as someone who would golf... eventually.
Steven *notices cannon shaped object* Hmm, yes! ... A drum. *rummaging* No, no... *gasp* Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Is this— *shoots T-Shirt Cannon* “Buy T-shirt Cannons”? *notices box full of CDs* Hey, there’s a bunch of copies of your old CD! *gets one and stores it in his pocket*
Greg Huh. Oh, man, I couldn’t give those things away. You know, before I ran the car wash, when I was a one-man band, I traveled the whole country.
Steven *chuckle* I know, Dad.
Greg When I came to play a concert here in Beach City, no one showed up except—
Steven An ALLIGATOR!
Greg No, it was your mother.
Steven *goes deeper* Hahaha, I know.
Greg And we were always together after that. Until she gave up her physical form to bring you into the world. I don’t know what a magic lady like her ever saw in a plain old dope like me.
Steven *breaks photo frame of Greg and Rose, gasps* Uh, Dad, I broke a photo.
Greg It’s okay buddy. If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs. *cannon begins to glow*
Steven *notices glow* Huh? *gasps* The light cannon!
Greg *looking at Red Eye* Oh boy, that thing’s giving me the willies. *rubs stomach*
Steven Dad, I found it!
Greg Really?
Steven *tying cord around cannon* Get the van! (Greg pulls it out.) This thing could save the city, we've gotta get it to the beach!
Greg How? It’s too big for the van. *wagon rolls by* Easy does it. *puts cannon on wagon*
[Int. Greg's Van]
(Steven and Greg are driving to the beach.)
Steven Is it gonna be okay?
Greg *shrugs* If every pork chop were perfect—
Steven *chimes in* We wouldn’t have hot dogs!
Greg *watches enlarged Red Eye* That thing’s getting huge, it's freaking me out.
Steven Can’t the van go any faster?
Greg This is faster.
Steven Don’t worry. Come on, let’s put on your CD.
Greg *embarrassed* What? Really? Come on, you’ve heard it.
Steven *chuckling* You come on. *inserts disc*
Steven *singing along with "Let Me Drive My Van (into Your Heart)"* Let me drive my van into your heart! *song continues to play in the background*
[Beach]
Amethyst *washes up back on shore* Throw me again, I think I’m cracking it. *notices Steven* Is that... ?
Steven Hey, guys!
Pearl *gasps* He really had it!
Amethyst *jumping in front of Garnet and Pearl* We’re SAVED!!!
(Red Eye’s gravity begins to pull everything towards it, causing rumbling and destruction.)
[Trans. Ext. Beach Citywalk Fries]
(Fryman is observing the destruction affecting his restaurant.)
Fryman Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy! (A sign rips off of the building.)
[Trans. Beach]
Garnet We have to use it now.
Pearl I don’t know how it works, it was Rose’s!
Steven Dad, how do we use it? (Greg shrugs.)
Pearl Steven, this is serious. *realizes* The gem. You have Rose’s gem.
Amethyst That’s it! *lifts Steven and rubs him against the cannon* Ah, come on!
Garnet Stop that.
Pearl It’s no use.
Amethyst Fine, forget it. Throw me again.
Pearl That’s not going to work.
(The gravitational pull intensifies and pulls the van and cannon.)
Greg *unhooks cord from cannon* I got this. *gets pulled* Ugh, wait, nope, maybe I don’t! *tries to stop van*
Steven *to cannon* Please work, unlock, activate, go, please! Everyone’s counting on you, you can’t just be useless! I know you can help.
Greg It’s okay, Steven. We’ll figure out something else, something even better.
Steven R-r-r-right, if every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs. *cannon begins to activate*
Pearl It’s working!
(The cannon unlocks and falls. There is a collective gasp. Steven attempts to lift it and the Gems soon help.)
Pearl Steven!
Amethyst This is it!
Garnet BRACE YOURSELVES!!!
(The cannon shoots a rose shaped blast that destroys the Red Eye, causing it to explode and shrapnel to fall, destroying parts of the city boardwalk.)
Amethyst Steven, you just saved most of Beach City!
Steven *to Fryman* Sorry about that!
Fryman What?
Pearl How did you get it to work?
Steven I just said that thing that Dad always says.
Pearl That thing about pork rinds?
Garnet Hot dogs.
Greg *tears up* Rose...
(The tide suddenly comes in and washes the van towards the beach but is still surrounded by water. There is collective laughter.)
Greg My van!
Steven It’s okay, Dad, if every pork chop were perfect—
Greg I LIVE in there! *rushes towards van*
Steven Wait up! *goes towards van*
Greg Oh geez, wait, wait, wait!
[END]


ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen it RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey Wins
Shorts The Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time