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Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "Lars and the Cool Kids". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "So Many Birthdays" Next: "Onion Trade"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Ext. Dead Man's Mouth]
(The Gems look down from a small cliff at a moss-covered swamp. Steven is seen hopping around the dead logs on the swamp.)
Pearl This doesn't look good at all.
Steven *jumps on the rocks and reaches to touch the moss* Whoa! Cool!
Pearl No, Steven! Don't go near that stuff!
Amethyst No, Steven, wait—
(Garnet throws a boulder at the rock and catapults Steven into Pearl's arms.)
Steven Whoa! *lands on Pearl* Steven's here!
Pearl *puts Steven down* You have to be careful, Steven!
Steven Why? (A duck is seen attempting to sit on a log as the moss consumes the log.) What is that stuff?
Garnet *folds arms* It's the moss that Rose Quartz raised on the hill.
Steven My mom planted this stuff?
Pearl Rose Quartz used to climb that hill every spring and tend to the moss at the top. *shows projection of Rose tending to the moss* But now that Rose is... gone, the moss is on the move!
Steven *makes a disappointed face* It's lost.
Amethyst It's not lost. It's gross.
Pearl Yes, but Rose loved it anyway. She saw the beauty in everything, no matter how gross. *waves hair* Fortunately, I know just what to do in this situation.
(Pearl stands in front of the other Gems, who are sitting behind her. She smiles, opens her eyes, jumps into the air, spins around, and strikes a pose.)
Pearl Twooooh! *does a dance and her gem activates* Haaaaaah!
Steven *whispers to Amethyst* This is why I get up in the morning! (A glowing, white blob falls out of her gem and into Steven's hands, becoming a roll of police tape.) Is this... police tape?
Pearl Isn't this great? This way, we don't even have to use magic. Humans will just see this and walk away.
(Garnet slams her fist into her hand like a baseball mitt.)
Garnet Don't hold back. *to Amethyst*
Amethyst I never... do! *throws tape to Garnet*
[Montage of Gems putting tape all around entrance of swamp]
Steven *breathing heavily, sighs, grunts*
Pearl ♪La la-la la-la *ties the police tape into a bow shape* (The Gems all gather together.) Perfect!♪ Now we can come up with a plan to move the moss back to its hill!
Steven Who wants to get some lunch? (The Gems stare at him silently.) Just me, then?... Nice.
[Trans. Ext. Fish Stew Pizza]
Steven Gettin' me a pi, gettin' me a -zza. Gettin' me a p-p-p-p-pizza! Gettin' me a pi, gettin' me a -zza. hmm, mmm, mm, mm~ *notices Lars* Hey, is that Lars? Lars!
Lars *groans* Why now?
Steven Got a high five for you *starts to run towards Lars with his arm raised high* from waaaay down toooown! Ohhhhhh!
Lars No, Steven! *whisper yells* No high fives!
Steven Mmmmm, okay. *high-fives his chest, and then Lars slaps it away*
Lars Steven!
Steven *laughs* So... how come you're not at the Big Donut?
Lars I don't spend my whole life at work. *flips jacket over shoulder* I do... other things.
Steven Like standing against this wall?
Lars *looks back* *angrily* What does it look like?!
Steven Looks like you're doing a lot of nothing.
Lars That's the plan, Ste-ven. *flips jacket* Just playing it cool today, you know?
Steven We are so much alike.
Lars Excuse me? *raises eyebrows*
Steven You want to get a fresh pizza right out of the oven, but you don't want to seem too desperate, right? Well, there's no need to be ashamed. Just walk right in and ask. That's what I always do. *motions towards window*
Lars Ah, uh Steven, don't go in there right now!
Steven Oh, hey! *stares inside*
[Int. Fish Stew Pizza]
(Jenny, Sour Cream, and Buck Dewey are hanging around inside. Kiki, working, stands beside them.)
Jenny He opened the door, and there was doggy doo everywhere.
Buck That's nasty. I don't like nasty stuff.
Sour Cream *bites the cheese off of pizza*
[Ext. Fish Stew Pizza and adjacent lot]
Steven *outside window* Isn't that Kiki's sister and her friends?
Lars *under his breathe* Jenny, Sour Cream, and Buck Dewey.
Steven Oh, you know those guys?
Lars N-not quite, but I'm sure we'll hang at some point.
Steven You should go in and talk to them.
Lars *starts to fluster* T-T-That's not how these things work, Steven! The plan is to keep it cool and let them come to me. *leans on wall again*
Steven Here they come. (Jenny, Sour Cream, and Buck leave Fish Stew Pizza.)
Lars Aah! Steven, turn around! Act natural! *looks away quickly, sweating profusely*
Jenny *to Kiki* Tell Dad I'll be back later. *walks away*
Steven I don't think they saw you.
Lars Steven, you were blocking me with your... big hair! Aah!
Steven Sorry, I'll go tell them to look over here. *walks away*
Lars *whispering* Steven, no, don't go over there! (Steven walks towards them anyways, Lars continues to look away.) I hate you!
Buck Muffins that are like this big. *motions with hands*
Jenny Those things are too sweet for me.
Steven Hi! My name's Steven. *puts hand up for high five*
Buck *high fives* Buck Dewey.
Sour Cream *high fives* They call me "Sour Cream".
Jenny *high fives* I'm Jenny.
Lars *hand over mouth, thinking* Aah, he's gonna wreck everything! What are they saying? I can't hear them! (Steven dances in the background.) Ugh! Why is he dancing?! *tears up* No-ho-ho! My life is horrible!
Steven Hey, Lars!
Lars *snaps into "cool" pose* Yo.
Steven They invited us along for a ride.
Lars Huh? W-Wait a minute, they— you—? Steven, you got lucky. So don't ruin this with any of your lame schtick.
Steven *pretends to shoot finger guns* Pew pew! You got it! *laughs*
(Lars face palms, whole group walks towards Jenny's Car.)
Jenny Hop on in guys.
Steven Ah yeah, middle seat!
(All file into car, BD, Steven, and Lars in back, SC in shotgun and Jenny driving.)
Buck Where'd you get that rad shirt Steven?
Steven *looks at shirt* I have no idea where any of my clothes come from.
Buck Yeah man, living free. I like it.
Lars Hey, check out my shirt. *points to shirt with snake design*
Buck Oh, that snake is nasty.
Lars Oh, *fakes obnoxious laugh* Yeah, I hate snakes!
Buck Oh, what? That's too bad, some snakes are pretty cool.
Steven Sounds like it's time to buckle up!
Lars Quit being lame, Steven.
Sour Cream Hey man, there's nothing "lame" about seat belt safety.
Jenny Car does not move 'till we're all buckled up.
Sour Cream Yeah, now let's get some spaced out beats up in here. *turns radio to electronica station* Yeah, I could rave to this. *slowly waves arms in front of him*
Lars *to Jenny* Hey, this car is really cool Jenny.
Jenny It's just the delivery car for my Dad's lame shop. Makes me smell like pizza. Where to, y'all? *drives out of parking lot*
Buck I don't even know.
Steven Oh, can we stop by the Big Donut?
[Trans. Int. Beach City]
Jenny *drives up next to Big Donut* That old place?
Buck Man that place is a drag.
Steven But that's where Lars works— (Lars coughs loudly.)
Lars *coughing* Quiet Steven. *coughs*
Steven You need some water?
(Group drives through heart of town.)
Steven *notices Funland Arcade* Funland arcade is the best! Let's do that.
Sour Cream Man, I beat all the "G's" in there like 3 million times.
Steven *gasp* No way!
Lars Yeah, me too.
Steven No way!!
Sour Cream Honestly though, I'm just exaggerating to sound cool.
Steven I appreciate your honesty.
(Group drives near city park, where Bill Dewey is holding a rally.)
Jenny Hey Buck, isn't that your dad?
Mayor Dewey ... Another reason you should re-elect me, I love babies. Will you look at that, a baby! (Mayor's aid hands a baby to the mayor.) Gonna kiss it... *kisses baby, crowd applauds*
Steven Hmm, I like his policies on babies.
Buck Man, he never kisses me like that.
Lars That's rough, bro.
Buck It's not rough. The lack of daddy kisses in my life made me who I am.
(Group drives out of town.)
Jenny Oh my gosh guys, we should check out Dead Man's Mouth.
Steven What's Dead Man's Mouth?
Buck Oh it's this lake where some dude died, or it looks like a mouth? I forget the specifics.
Jenny Dead Man's Mouth. Here. We. Come. *puts car up a gear and speeds off*
Steven Sounds good to me.
[Trans. Dead Man's Mouth]
(All file out of the car.)
Jenny We're here.
Steven *notices police tape and gasps* Y-ya know what? I know this place may seem cool, but it's actually a lot less cool than you think. W-why don't we just go have some more fun at the boardwalk?
Lars *whispers* Steven stop being lame. *to others* Let's check this place out.
(Lars walks towards entrance, others murmur in agreement and accompany him.)
Steven *begins to worry but stops* Oh, pfft, the police tape. *laughs*
(All stare at tape.)
Sour Cream Huh, police tape... *rips down tape, all walk through* Awesome.
Buck *playfully* I'm above the law. *knocks down more tape*
Jenny Who wants to go for a swim?
(Steven stares at moss which appears agitated, others begin to take off their coats, and Sour Cream converts his pants into shorts.)
Sour Cream Pants become shorts.
Lars takes off his shirt and begins to walk toward the lake.
Steven *stops Lars* Lars, don't go in there, it's dangerous!
Jenny Steven, you trying to scare us?
Buck Build an atmosphere, I appreciate that.
Sour Cream *mockingly* Oooooh!
(Jenny, SC and BD jump in, Lars begins but Steven holds him in place.)
Steven Wait!
Buck I'm not that slow.
Lars *being held by Steven* Hey what are you doing man?!
Steven *tearing up* Don't!
Lars *pushes Steven towards lake but can't break free* Steven, what. Is. Your. Deal?? *gasps*
(Lars struggles to break from Steven but stops when he notices the others suddenly become engulfed by the growing moss around them, which drags them under. Lars falls back in fear.)
Lars Aah!
Steven Oh no! *small amount of moss attacks his foot* Aaah!
Lars What's going on?!
Steven It's some kind of magic moss my Mom planted!
Lars Wait, your mom—?
(Suddenly the others reemerge covered in moss and struggle towards the lake's edge, they collapse on its shore and the moss covers them entirely.)
Lars Guys, hang on! (Lars and Steven rip away at moss to no avail.)
Steven *gasps and notices hill in background* Lars, I know what we have to do.
Lars *ignores him* This is all your fault! *sighs, tears up* I knew if something went wrong today it would be because of you! Now I'm never going to be friends with these guys. All because of your... weird mom!
(Steven's eyes narrow in shock, and partially in rage, his posture and expressions become extremely aggressive, Lars backs off in surprise.)
Steven *pokes at Lars' chest* What do you know about my mom?! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO KNOW MY MOM! But I do know, she saw beauty in everything! Even in stuff like this *points at moss* and even in jerks like you! (Lars looks away ashamedly, Steven sighs.) Now help me get them to the car.
(Steven and Lars put the others' bodies, still covered completely in moss, into the car and buckle them in.)
Steven Lars, hurry! This moss belongs at the top of that hill. *points at tall hill* Come on Lars what are you waiting for?
Lars Uh, Steven, I don't know how to drive a stick shift.
Steven I'll work the stick, you just keep us on the road.
Lars Okay, alright, let's do this. Ignition!
Steven Stick power! (The car jams and goes forward.)
Lars Steven, no, put it in reverse!
Steven Is that the one with "R" on it? *car jolts backwards* Aaaah!
[Trans. Ext. Beach City]
Lars Jenny's gonna kill meeeeee! (The car backs up onto main road, and they drive forward.) What's gonna happen when we get to the top of that hill?
Steven I don't know!
Lars You don't know?!
Steven That's just where the moss wants to be! (Moss begins to engulf front of the car, including Steven and Lars.) Aah!
Lars Huh? Aaaah! It's getting everywhere! Woah!
(The car jerks and turns sporadically until they bump into a large truck which straightens them out.)
Steven We made it!
Lars We're almost there.
(Lars parks the near the top of the hill, and he and Steven quickly get out to drag the bodies to the top.)
Lars What do we do now?
Steven We got to get up there. *points to top of hill* Hurry!
(Steven and Lars get close to top of hill, but moss progressively engulfs them as well, slowing them.)
Lars I'm, getting stuck!
Steven No, don't, give up.
(The moss almost completely engulfs and leaves them immobilized near the top of the hill.)
Lars Steven... *looks away apologetically*
Steven What?
Lars *quickly changes* This sucks! *moss swallows him*
Steven Laaaaars— *moss swallows him as well*
(The moss entirely engulfs them and all appears lost. Suddenly, the clouds clear and the sun comes out which immediately causes the moss to convert into pink blossoms which float away and free all of them, leaving them completely drained of energy. The air fills with the pink blossoms and Steven and Lars watch them over the hill.)
Steven *freed from moss* The moss was just trying to bloom.
Jenny Ugh, what happened?
Sour Cream I think I died.
Jenny Guys, look! *points towards edge of hill, all rush towards it*
Jenny, SC, and BD Woah!
(The blossoms quickly waft gently throughout the city at sunset, which can be seen in its entirety from atop the hill.)
Sour Cream You can see all of Beach City from up here.
Buck It's beautiful.
Jenny Yeah... how did we even get here?
Lars Well, Steven thought that—
Steven *interrupts* Lars drove us here. (All three murmur in approval of Lars.)
Cool Kids Oh yeah, Lars! Super cool.
Sour Cream I can totally rave to this.
Jenny and Buck Go go go... *SC "raves"* Sour Cream! Sour Cream!
(Steven attempts a high five with Lars but Lars high-fives his chest instead.)
Steven *laughs* Yeah! *high-fives Lars' chest as well*
Lars *feeling embarrassed* Okay, that's enough.
[END]
ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen it RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' HeadDewey WinsGemcationRaising the BarnBack to the KindergartenSadie KillerKevin Party
Shorts Lion Loves to Fit in a BoxThe Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time