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House Guest/Transcript

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Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "House Guest". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Ocean Gem" Next: "Space Race"


Speaker Dialogue
[Open ext. It's a Wash!]
(Pearl is observing Greg's broken van and Amethyst and Garnet leaning against the wall.)
Pearl *touches a tube from the trunk of the van* Wow. Those water constructs really did a number on Greg's van. Hmm...
Amethyst *sitting while leaning beside the car wash crossing her arms behind her head* Ah, give it a rest, Pearl. That thing will be busted forever.
Pearl I completely disagree. It's just a simple human machine. I'm sure that I can figure this whole thing out before you know it!
(Steven walks in, as Greg scoots over on a movable chair with wheels.)
Steven Hey guys!
Greg Zoop! (Greg looks through a toolbox) I got something that will patch this van up real good!
Pearl *gasps* *cups hands* Is it some kind of complex human tool?
Greg *shows them duct tape* Yup, high-quality duct tape! Some well placed duct tape can patch anything up in a pinch, see? (Greg points to his broken leg, with a ruler duct-taped to it.)
Pearl I'm sure that I can fix this without your tape.
Greg Well, gee, at least let me give you a hand.
(Greg tries to stand up to help Pearl, with assistance from a hockey stick. He falls back down in his chair, due to his weak leg. Steven runs over to him to help him.)
Steven I'm sorry that you hurt your leg and that your van got smashed up because of me.
Greg *pats his head* You apologize too much. Maybe I shouldn't have tagged along in that crazy adventure. But at least I got to spend some time with my fave guy!
Steven What if you stayed with us until you got better?
Greg Hey, that's a great idea! But, won't I get in the way of your training?
Pearl *off-screen* *quickly reacts* Yes!
Amethyst *sits up* Wait, Steven. Don't you have healing powers now?
Pearl *smiles nervously* Oh, right, yes! You fix Greg, I'll fix the van, *murmurs* nobody has to live with us.
Steven *gasp* Yeah! Mm-hmm! Here goes something new and exciting. (Steven licks his hand, covering it in healing saliva.) And... go! (Steven slaps his hand onto Greg's leg.) Okay, you should be better now.
Greg Okay, if you say so. (Greg tries to stand up, but is unable to and falls back in his chair.)
Steven Why didn't it work?
Greg Hey, sorry, buddy. Maybe you just need a little more practice.
Steven But... I was doing so well before!
Pearl Steven, don't worry about it. Your powers are a bit fickle, after all.
Garnet *chimes in* Just give it a bit more time.
Greg Cheer up, Steven! At least now we get to spend some more time together, right?
Steven Yeah, right.
Pearl Garnet, can you give me a hand?
(Garnet lifts Greg's van up and the engine of the van falls out of it.)
Steven *surprised* HOO-AH!
[Trans. Beach House]
[Montage of Greg and Steven in the Beach House]
(Steven and Greg start to sing "Dear Old Dad". Some scenes that the song is sung in, is Steven and Greg throwing confetti in the air, both of them in the Beach House kitchen with Steven cooking for Greg, Steven and Greg watching an episode of an unknown TV show on Steven's smartphone eating popcorn and drinking soda, and Steven helping Greg wash off after Greg spilled soda on himself.)
[Montage ends]
(Steven, Greg, and Amethyst are making paper airplanes in the Beach House living room.)
Amethyst Bombs away! (Amethyst throws her paper airplane in the air and it hits Greg in the head. The three start to laugh.)
(Pearl walks in, covered in oil from trying to repair Greg's van. She starts to clean herself up, as she drops the toolbox. Garnet appears.)
Garnet You're back. The Geode is cracked, we must leave immediately.
Pearl What?
Amethyst Oh, no! *quickly gets up and runs towards warp pad*
Garnet You too, Steven.
Steven *stands up excitedly* Yeah!
Greg Aw, really?
Steven *realizes that he needs to take care of his dad* Oh, oh, yeah.
Greg It's okay, Steven, I'll be fine. You go on your mission.
Steven Are you sure?
Greg Of course.
Steven Thanks Dad! We'll be back before you know it!
Greg *tries to get sympathy* Don't worry about your old man... My leg's not getting any more broken. If I need something, I'll just... crawl. (Greg is starting to look teary.) My arms are still not... broken.
Amethyst Oh, brother.
(Amethyst, Garnet, Pearl, and Steven begin to walk off the warp pad.)
Pearl Now, Greg, there's no need to be so pathetic. If anything happens to you, you can call us with this. (Pearl pulls out the Warp Whistle and hands it to Greg.)
Greg What is it?
Garnet It's a Warp Whistle.
Greg *in awe* Warp Whistle...
Garnet If you blow in it, the warp pad will activate and will alert us that we need to return.
Steven See, Dad? You'll be fine.
Greg *Sigh* Right, I'll be fine. Good luck on your mission, son.
[Trans. Int. Geode]
(Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Steven are standing on the warp pad.)
Amethyst Man, this place is janked up.
Steven Wow. Was there an explosion or something?
Garnet *walks ahead* Almost.
Pearl What you're looking at is a synthetic storm that was contained in—
(Greg uses the Warp Whistle, telling the Gems to come back to the Beach House, also interrupting Pearl.)
Amethyst *voice cracks* Is that the Warp Whistle?
Steven Ah! Dad needs me, I'll be right back! (Steven warps back to the Beach house.) Dad! I'm here! ...Is everything...?
Greg Oh hey, Steven! Just making sure that this thing actually works. Heh.
Steven Okay, we'll be back later! (Steven warps back to the Geode.) Sorry for the holdup!
Pearl Is everything okay?
Amethyst *sitting down* Hey, did Greg fall down and break his butt? Ha ha!
Garnet That's not funny.
Amethyst *looks down sadly* I know.
Pearl Like I was saying, this is a synthetic—
(Greg uses the Warp Whistle for the second time, interrupting Pearl again.)
Steven I'm sure it's very important. (Steven warps back to the Beach house.) Dad?
Greg *scratches back of head* I'm really sorry, but where's the remote?
Steven That's actually a very important question.
(Steven helps Greg and warps back to the Geode.)
Steven It was very important.
Pearl Okay, so if the Geode breaks, then the storm will be unleashed and our bodies will be vaporized.
[Camera pans to Geode]
Steven Then... we'd be dead.
Garnet That's where you come in. (Garnet is directing toward Steven.)
Steven Say what?
Garnet You should try and seal that crack with your healing powers.
Steven But... what if I can't do it?
Garnet It won't hurt to try.
Steven Okay. (Steven walks toward the Geode, activates his healing powers toward the Geode, and nothing happens.) Mmmmm! It's not working! Ugh. (Steven takes his hand away from the cracked Geode.) I knew this would happen. Just when I thought I was getting better.
Garnet Don't beat yourself up, Steven.
Amethyst Yeah, don't worry about it!
Pearl We'll find another way!
Steven Eh. You don't understand. How am I supposed to call myself a Crystal Gem, if I can't even—
(Greg activates the Warp Whistle for the third time, instead interrupting Steven. All four Crystal Gems decide to warp back to the Beach House, rather than just Steven.)
Steven Dad! Daaad! Are you okay? (Steven runs up to Greg, who is sleeping in front of Steven's TV.) Answer me!
Greg *wakes up* Steven! You just missed... the funniest commercial.
Steven What?
Greg Haha, it was that one for the dog treats where the dog's dressed up like a doctor. If I ever get heartworms, I'm eating those dog treats.
Steven Dad, you're only supposed to use the Warp Whistle for emergencies. Like if you fell down and broke your butt!
Greg Yeah, sorry about that.
Steven *sigh* It's okay.
Greg Since you're here, mind grabbing me a snack from the Big Donut?
Steven Yeah, sure thing. (Steven walks down stairs, and sees the Crystal Gems.) I'll be right back guys.
Garnet *walking away* We'll be in the temple.
Pearl *to Garnet* We have to come up with another plan, quick.
Amethyst *to Steven* Yo, dude, no worries about earlier. You'll get a hold of your powers before ya know it!
Steven Thanks, Amethyst!
Amethyst Get me a croissant. (Amethyst walks into the temple, as Steven walks outside to grab Greg a snack.)
Steven Ah, I forgot to ask Dad what kind of donuts he wants. Ugh... (Steven walks back inside.) Hey, Dad, I—
(Steven is alarmed to be seeing Greg at the fridge, dancing on his "broken" leg, carrying out food.)
Greg (Greg's singing is interrupted by Steven.) Steven! *drops all the food he's carrying* Ha, you had me scared there, son. Didn't see you... standing in the doorway. Your old man's still got it!
(Steven is staring at him angrily.)
Greg What, this? I guess I couldn't wait for those donuts. (Greg notices that Steven is referring to his "broken" leg, and rolls on the floor pretending like he just hurt his leg again.) Ugh... ouch... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Steven Just stop, Dad. I get what's going on. Your leg isn't broken at all, is it?
Greg It was broken, but you healed it back at the car wash.
Steven You lied to me! Now I can't do it anymore!
Greg What?
Steven The Gems needed me to fix the broken rock, but my healing powers aren't working. It-it's because of you, you messed with my head!
Greg No! I didn't mean to... I just wanted to live with my son again!
Steven I really thought I was getting better, I finally felt like a Crystal Gem. Now, what if I can't do anything?
Greg Steven, don't beat yourself up! This is my fault!
Steven Yeah! Yeah it is! (Steven runs outside.) Ugh, what am I going to do? My powers, they're— (Steven's conversation with himself is interrupted when he sees his ukulele and Greg's guitar, reminding him of the song they sang together. He walks back inside.) I'm sorry, I... Dad! (Steven sees Greg on the warp pad, with the Warp Whistle and his toolbox.)
Greg It's time for me to fix the trouble I've caused. (Greg blows into the Warp Whistle, activating the warp pad, as Steven jumps into the warp pad as well just in time to be taken to the Geode, where Greg is.)
Steven Dad, be careful!
Greg Don't worry, Steven! Your old man's gonna- woah! (Greg trips and falls because of the extreme winds.)
Steven Daaad! Are you okay?
Greg Steven, get out of here! I'm responsible for this!
Steven No, you're not.
Greg But, I messed up your powers! I did everything I'm not supposed to do, and now you can't heal!
Steven I healed you, right?
Greg Hey, get in there and patch things up, just like you patched up your old man!
(Steven runs toward the Geode.)
Steven Double... healing... powers! (Steven licks his hands to activate his healing powers, and touches the rock to try to seal the crack, but nothing happens.) It's still not working!
Greg Ah, forget it! I've got another idea! (Greg duct-tapes the Geode's crack, and the storm ends.) There, see, as good as new!
[Trans. Ext. Temple]
(All four Crystal Gems and Greg are there, with Pearl reading a checklist of all the things she did to repair the van. Greg is looking over in awe at the fixed van, and Garnet, Amethyst, and Steven are standing, watching.)
Greg No way.
Pearl So, I've realigned the axles...
Greg I can't believe it!
Pearl ... Replaced the spark plugs...
Greg It's never looked this good!
Pearl ... Sealed the leaks in the intake manifold gaskets, and recalibrated the timing belt. As long as you ease up on second gear, your transmission should be fine.
Greg Pearl! I can't thank you enough! Haha!
(Greg hugs Pearl, with Pearl disgusted, and when Greg drops Pearl she crawls back and hides behind Garnet.)
Greg So, now that I'm feeling better, it's about time that I move back home. Can't have me messing up more magic stuff.(Steven walks over and hugs him.) Just in case you have trouble again... (Greg hands over the duct tape to Steven.)
[Trans. Int. Beach House]
(Steven is about to go to sleep, with the roll of duct tape on the nightstand next to him.)
Steven Good night, Dad!
Greg Good night, Steven!
[Trans. Ext. Beach House, with Greg's van now located closer to Steven's home]
[The episode ends with the star outro instead replaced with an outro of two hearts, one covering the Beach House, and the other covering Greg's van]
[END]


ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen it RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' Head
Shorts The Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time