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Greg Universe/Quotes

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Season 1

If every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn't have hotdogs.

—"Laser Light Cannon"

It’s okay, Steven. We’ll figure out something else, something even better!

—"Laser Light Cannon"

Can't you make them go away?

—"Cat Fingers"

No, you're not! You're my son!

—"Cat Fingers"

Hey, Pearl. Come to check out some buff studs?

—"Coach Steven"

Guys, I just had the best idea for an album cover.

—"Ocean Gem"

... I just wanted to live with my son again!

—"House Guest"

Steven: I can't wait for New Year's Eve tomorrow. It feels like I've waited a whole year!
Well, you feel that way for a reason.

—"Maximum Capacity"

I can't stay here and humor you. I have to be there for my son.

—"Maximum Capacity"

As CEO, I officially ground this astronaut.

—"Space Race"

Now, remember, Steven, if you run into any trouble out there, you can always bail. There's never any shame in bailing.

—"Space Race"

Oh, this kid's killing me...

—"Space Race"

Everybody likes cherries. I'm a cherry man!

—"Winter Forecast"

A responsible parent doesn't let two kids strand themselves in a van in the middle of nowhere. ... A responsible parent escorts those kids through wind, sleet, and snow to avoid making the other parent angry!

—"Winter Forecast"

I may be losin' my hair, but the magic's still there.

—"Story for Steven"

Sit back. Get comfy... I didn't mean that comfy.

—"Story for Steven"

Yeah, he's just an amigo from way back when... He's dead to me.

—"Story for Steven"

No one can ignore The Universe.

—"Story for Steven"

I just showed the Gems that I ain't got the stuff.

—"The Message"

Well she's a riptide queen and she's super mean!

—"The Message"

Yeah, but these other Gems aren't like your mother. They're not like Garnet, Amethyst, or Pearl—they're not gonna start caring about people now... They didn't the first time they—

—"The Return"

I mean— it was thousands of years ago! It's— it's not like I was there!

—"The Return"

All they do is try to make up for it. They just can't forgive themselves, you understand? Look, they were doing something awful to the planet and your mother couldn't stand it anymore. She told me that's why she had to turn on her own kind. She gave up everything just to stop what they started here and drive the invading Gems off of Earth.

—"The Return"

No such thing as a good war, kiddo.

—"The Return"

I NEED YOU TOO!

—"The Return"

Season 2

I don't understand anything anymore.

—"Reformed"

This'll really knock your socks off.

—"We Need to Talk"

I can't believe I got that on video, what on Earth WAS that!?

—"We Need to Talk"

Let's just... talk.

—"We Need to Talk"

I'm going to see a man about a tunnel brush... An internet man. If I'm not back in an hour, call the police.

—"Keystone Motel"

Well, he wasn't an axe-murderer, so that was good.

—"Keystone Motel"

Son, there will come a time in your life when you'll learn to accept all pizza.

—"Keystone Motel"

Sometimes people that love each other can hurt each other's feelings, without meaning to.

—"Keystone Motel"

Hey! It's not like a six pack is gonna save you from that height!

—"Log Date 7 15 2"

Season 3

Eh, Don't worry. I got a hose.

—"Drop Beat Dad"

Even if he doesn't make it big, Sour Cream'll be okay, as long as he's doing something that makes him happy. Eh, you know, it's not about the mone--eeeeeeeey!

—"Drop Beat Dad"

Cherry man.

—"Mr. Greg"

I like to think of it as more "Experienced" than "Used."

—"Beach City Drift"

I've had my eye on the Dondai since way back when. I loved that car. I wanted that car. Also, these things are crazy on the road. Front wheel suspension, tons of ponies. But best of all...it has a tape deck.

—"Beach City Drift"

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Watch the four letters, schtuball. Hate's a strong word.

—"Beach City Drift"

I had no idea that happened. I'm really sorry. That guy, he's not even worth the time of day. Don't even give him the satisfaction of thinking about him.

—"Beach City Drift"

Uh, correction. We rented a boat. I may be rich, but buying a boat would be going a bit overboard.

—"Alone at Sea"

Well, sometimes it isn't about the fish you keep, but the company you catch.

—"Alone at Sea"

Steven: Well, what crackers go with caviar?
Water crackers.

—"Alone at Sea"

You rascal! Can I ever tell you a story without working in a song again?

—"Greg the Babysitter"

Yeah, but I'm not a baby. I don't need someone to feed me or change my clothes. I don't need someone to save me when I climb on to a Ferris wheel and... Oh, man. I am a baby.

—"Greg the Babysitter"

Vidalia: Your shirt's clean. You want it back, or are you just gonna go for a topless stroll?
Hey, we all got to grow up sometime, right?

—"Greg the Babysitter"

Season 4

Rose and I talked about tons of important stuff. Music, comic books, getting sand between your toes, y'know, feelings. We both made a lot of mistakes when we were young. I thought disco was coming back, she started a war, I think she felt like she had to confess everything to me, but I told her, "The past is the past. All that matters to me is who you are now." And who she was, was an incredible, loving being.

—"Steven's Dream"

I lost someone very important to me, too. I miss her every single day, and I think about her all the time. But she's never coming back. That feeling can be so hard to be okay with.

—Steven's Dream

I haven't broken this many hearts since I had all my hair.

—"The Zoo"

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