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Steven gallery This is a transcribed copy of "Fusion Cuisine". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Keep Beach City Weird" Next: "Garnet's Universe"
Speaker Dialogue
[Open Int. Beach House]
(Steven and Connie are watching Under the Knife on the TV together on Steven's bed.)
Lady Doctor, it's my son. There was an accident. I -
Doctor I know what we have to do. Nurse!
Nurse Yes, doctor?
Doctor Prep the patient for emergency surgery. We're gonna go... under the knife.
Connie *screams happily* Ugggggh!!!! This show is so good! Aaah! Thank you so much for letting me watch "Under the Knife" here, Steven.
Steven How come you can't watch the show at home?
Connie My mom says this doesn't represent a real emergency room.
Nurse How did his legs... get into... his brain?!
Connie She just doesn't understand that it's satire. *cellphone ringing*
Steven Is that your phone?
Connie It's probably my mom. *checks phone* Called it. *puts on glasses and clears throat* Hi, Mother. It's Connie. Mm-hmm. Yes, ma'am. *looks at Steven* I'm at the home of Steven Universe. Mm-hmm. Yes, ma'am. We're—we're just hanging out. Oh... Steven's parents. They're, uh—they're in the other room. You would like to talk to Steven's mom? Oh, okay. Hold on a moment.
Steven *starts to get worried* That's gonna be pretty hard since my mom gave up her physical form to make me.
Connie *blocks phone with hand* I can't tell her that!
(They both run down the stairs, breathing heavily.)
Steven Garnet, quick—you have to pretend to be my mom to Connie's mom.
Garnet *takes the phone* Hello. This... is Mom Universe. Yes. *adjusts visor* The children are playing swords. Sorry—playing with swords. They're bleeding. Oh no, they are dead. Don't call again. *hangs up the phone and hands it back to Steven* Sorry, I panicked.
(Steven and Connie both look shocked.)
[Trans. int. Beach House, sometime later]
Steven *on the phone with Connie while dressing a cake* Aw, what do you mean, your mom won't let you come over? It's the midseason pre-finale of "Under the Knife"!
Connie *in her house* Steven, my parents are really upset. They say they will not let me see you again until they meet both of your parents in person.
Steven But that's impossible!
Connie I know, but they want both of our families to go out together for dinner.
Steven *puts cheeseballs on the cake* It sounds so... adult. I wonder if Fish Stew Pizza will take reservations for-- *counting on fingers* Pearl, Garnet, Dad, Amethyst—all eight of us.
Connie You can't bring everybody!
Steven Why not?
Connie Because... because... I told my parents you have a nuclear family!
Steven *not understanding* *defensive* Nuclear?! Sure, they make stuff blow up sometimes, *puts hand on hip* but that's because they're magic, not radioactive!
Connie *a bit annoyed* Ste-ven, "nuclear" means two adults and their child and/or children. My parents think you live with your mother and father.
Steven *frowns* But none of that is true. You never told your mom and dad about the Crystal Gems?
Connie No, and it has to stay that way. If they find out I lied to them, they'll never let me hang out with you again.
[Trans. int. Beach House, sometime later]
Greg *grunting and struggling to put on sweater* Ahh.
Steven *pacing in front of the Crystal Gems* How am I supposed to choose just one of you to bring to dinner? You're all so... cool!
Pearl *disgusted* Why does it have to be dinner? We get all the energy we need from our gems, and while our human constructs are capable of eating, I find it very uncomfortable.
Amethyst I love eating! *chuckles* Feels weird. *pulls out chips from bag then munches on them grossly*
Steven Okay, okay, okay. Let's focus. Which of you would make the best and most nuclear mom? Garnet, you keep us safe by scaring off the bad guys, just like a mom would. (Garnet says nothing.) But you're not the best conversationalist. Amethyst, you would be a super fun mom!
Amethyst *munching, picking nose and drooling*
Steven Can moms be gross?
Amethyst Why not? *pulls a strand of mucus out of nose*
Steven Pearl! You're always worried about me, you teach me lots of stuff, *puts hand on her shoulder* you're approachable, and you're, like, totally not gross.
(Amethyst munching and her nose is still running.)
Pearl Uh... *nauseous look*
Steven But... you can't eat dinner.*walks away sadly*
Steven *sits beside Greg on the couch* Man, why did Connie have to say I have one mother instead of zero... or three?
Greg We'll figure this thing out. We just have to put our heads together.
Steven Why didn't I think of this before? It's so obvious! You can all come to dinner—all three of you, fused into one! *snaps finger*
Pearl What?!
Amethyst Whoa!
Greg What?
Pearl Steven, you know we only fuse in deadly situations!
Steven It'd be like—like I'm actually bringing my whole family!
Amethyst That's insane.
Garnet Fusion is serious magic, not a trick for dinner parties.
Steven I know. Then I guess this is it. I'll never get to see Connie again. Oh, Connie! I'll never know a star that shines as bright as you. (The Gems all look at him, sympathizing.)
Garnet *sighs* We have no choice.
[Trans. Ext. restaurant]
[Slow piano music playing]
Mr. Maheswaran *groans*
Dr. Maheswaran We've been waiting for nearly 20 minutes.
[Rumbling and gulls are crying]
Connie *gasps*
Mr. and Dr. Maheswaran *both gasp*
(Alexandrite appears over the hilltops.)
Mr. Maheswaran Uh... Oh.
Steven *on Alexandrite's shoulder* Hi, Connie! Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Maheswaran!
(Alexandrite lowers Greg and Steven.)
Greg Thanks... honeybun... ?
Alexandrite You're welcome... Greg.
Greg I'm Greg Universe. And this massive drink of water is my wife, Alexandrite.
Alexandrite *awkwardly* Hi-i-i-i-i-i.
[Time Skip—later during dinner]
Alexandrite *munching on 6 breadsticks*
Mr. Maheswaran I hope this place has unlimited breadsticks.
Dr. Maheswaran Don't be rude.
Alexandrite *munching continues* Bleh. *sticks tongue out, showing chewed up breadsticks*
Greg *chuckles nervously* Isn't my wife a riot? *chuckles nervously*
Dr. Maheswaran So, tell me—how did you two meet?
Greg Huh? How did we meet? Well, we, um--
Steven *standing up from his seat* They met on a roller coaster!
Connie *mouths 'what'*
Steven She was too tall to ride! Heh-heh.
Connie *shakes head in disapproval*
Greg Uh, *chuckles nervously, then laughs nervously* I remember it like it was yesterday. Right, honey? *places hand on her leg and laughs nervously* Eh... *whispers* sorry.
Alexandrite *slams Greg's face onto table* Have some more breadsticks... dear.
Mr. Maheswaran Uh, *coughs* what is it that you two do for a living, Mr. and Mrs. Universe?
Greg Well, you see, I own a local car wash, and my sweet, dear wife here--
Steven My mom works on an apple farm!
Connie *sighs and slams head onto table*
Dr. Maheswaran What did we say about heads on the table?
Steven She uses all her arms to pick apples out of huge trees. *chuckles nervously*
Greg Well, you know what they say—an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Alexandrite Yes, I hate doctors.
Dr. Maheswaran Well, I'm a doctor.
Connie Steven, help me find the restroom!
[Trans. Int. The Crab Shack]
Steven Things are going pretty good so far, huh?
Connie Steven, are you kidding me?! What is this thing that you brought to dinner?!
Steven It—it's my family. It's all of the Gems, fused together into a... six-armed, giant woman.
Connie Why couldn't you just bring one of the Gems?
Steven 'Cause that would be a lie. *narrows eyes* Your... glasses...
Connie What about them?
Steven I healed your eyes. You don't even need to wear those anymore.
Connie What are you talking about?
Steven All that stuff you told your parents about my family—you're just ashamed of me!
Connie Oh, whatever, Steven. Let's just focus on getting through the evening.
Connie So, Steven was telling me that on his mom's apple farm, they're bioengineering a gala-fuji hybrid.
(A waiter places food on the table.)
Steven Yes, that's definitely true.
Dr. Maheswaran Isn't that right, Mrs. Universe?
Alexandrite *picks up popcorn shrimp and sniffs* Ugh! (One hand smooshes the shrimp against her face.) What are you doing? (Another hand slaps her in the face.) I'm hungry! (A second mouth appears below her face.) I don't think so. Cut it out, you two. *starts fighting herself and grunting* Grrrrr-ugh! *uppercuts self and chomps on a hand*
Steven Stop! You don't have to eat it!
(Alexandrite moaning and her face begins to crack.)
(All gasp.)
(Alexandrite unfuses.)
Pearl Steven! *crawls towards him* Ohh. Thank you so much. You don't know how horrified I was when that dreck nearly fell into our mouths. Eating food is so disgusting! You chew it into nasty mush, swallow that goop, and it comes out of you? What a completely horrid experience!
Amethyst Uh, speak for yourself. Ha! I love it when mush passes through my body.
Garnet It doesn't matter what you two think. We're doing this for Steven! *summons gauntlets and hits them both on the head*
Pearl and Amethyst Aah!
Mr. Maheswaran What is going on here? Who are they?!
Dr. Maheswaran I knew I should have trusted my bad feelings about this new friend of yours, but I never thought I wouldn't be able to trust my own daughter.
(Connie runs off.)
Steven Connie! *runs after her*
[Trans. bus stop]
[Owl hoots]
Steven Connie.
Connie Steven, I'm so sorry. It's not that I'm ashamed of you. I was so worried that my parents would think all this magic stuff is weird. What if they don't let me hang out with you anymore? *crying*
Steven I-I'm sorry I messed everything up. I wish there was a way we could just... hang out without having to worry about stuff.
Connie Steven, let's just hop on a bus and live somewhere else without telling anyone!
Steven That's a great idea!
(A bus pulls up to the bus stop.)
[Trans. Int. bus]
(Both grunt as they sit at the back of the bus.)
Steven Where's this bus taking us?
Connie Wherever we end up. We'll find a way to survive. I've been reading about sustainable living.
Steven Maybe it'll take us to a real apple farm!
Connie What's up with you and apples today?
[Thumping]
Steven and Connie Huh? *look out back window*
[Thumping continues]
(Alexandrite is running after the bus.)
Alexandrite Steve-e-e-n! (A second mouth appears below her face.)
Steven and Connie Aaaaaah!
Alexandrite *picks up the bus* You two, come out of that bus this instant!
Steven Aah! Okay! J-just put the bus down first.
[Trans. ext. The Crab Shack]
Dr. Maheswaran I don't even know where to begin with you, young la--
Pearl What were you thinking, running off with Connie like that? You could have gotten yourselves hurt!
Garnet Or gotten mangled in traffic.
Amethyst Or thrown in prison.
Pearl Steven, you are in very big trouble, and we have no choice but to punish you.
Steven But...
Garnet No dinner for 1,000 years.
Steven 1,000? *sad expression*
Pearl We would never starve you, but you will lose your TV privileges... for 1,000 years.
Steven No! The midseason pre-finale of "Under the Knife"! How can you do this to me?! *cries slightly*
Greg *disapproving look* Because we love you, Steven.
Steven *groans*
Dr. Maheswaran Wow. That was a masterful use of the "because we love you" shutdown. I'm quite partial to the "It's for your own good" myself.
Mr. Maheswaran That "1,000 years of no dinner" bit *chuckles* was pretty funny. *laughs*
Garnet All comedy is derived from fear.
Mr. Maheswaran *laughs* You are too much.
Dr. Maheswaran I did not know what to make of the two of—excuse me—four of you, but I see that you are responsible parents—uh, caregivers? Guardians.
Connie So, I can still hang out with Steven?
Dr. Maheswaran Sure.
Steven Alright! *laughs and hugs Connie*
Dr. Maheswaran and Mr. Maheswaran Uh!
Mr. Maheswaran *grunts and separates Steven and Connie*
(Iris out on Mr. Maheswaran's satisfied face.)
[END]
ve Transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 A: Gem GlowLaser Light CannonCheeseburger BackpackTogether BreakfastFryboCat FingersBubble BuddiesSerious StevenTiger MillionaireSteven's LionArcade ManiaGiant WomanSo Many BirthdaysLars and the Cool KidsOnion TradeSteven the Sword FighterLion 2: The MovieBeach PartyRose's RoomCoach StevenJoking VictimSteven and the StevensMonster BuddiesAn Indirect KissMirror Gem/Ocean Gem

B: House GuestSpace RaceSecret TeamIsland AdventureKeep Beach City WeirdFusion CuisineGarnet's UniverseWatermelon StevenLion 3: Straight to VideoWarp TourAlone TogetherThe TestFuture VisionOn the RunHorror ClubWinter ForecastMaximum CapacityMarble MadnessRose's ScabbardOpen BookShirt ClubStory for StevenThe MessagePolitical PowerThe Return/Jail Break

Season 2 Full DisclosureJoy RideSay UncleLove LettersReformedSworn to the SwordRising Tides, Crashing SkiesKeeping It TogetherWe Need to TalkChille TidCry for HelpKeystone MotelOnion FriendHistorical FrictionFriend ShipNightmare HospitalSadie's SongCatch and ReleaseWhen it RainsBack to the BarnToo FarThe AnswerSteven's BirthdayIt Could've Been GreatMessage ReceivedLog Date 7 15 2
Season 3 Super Watermelon Island/Gem DrillSame Old WorldBarn MatesHit the DiamondSteven FloatsDrop Beat DadMr. GregToo Short to RideThe New LarsBeach City DriftRestaurant WarsKiki's Pizza Delivery ServiceMonster ReunionAlone at SeaGreg the BabysitterGem HuntCrack the WhipSteven vs. AmethystBismuthBetaEarthlingsBack to the MoonBubbled
Season 4 The Kindergarten KidKnow Your FusionBuddy's BookMindful EducationFuture Boy ZoltronLast One Out of Beach CityOnion GangGem HarvestThree Gems and a BabySteven's DreamAdventures in Light DistortionGem HeistThe ZooThat Will Be AllThe New Crystal GemsStorm in the RoomRocknaldoTiger PhilanthropistRoom for RubyLion 4: Alternate EndingDoug OutThe Good LarsAre You My Dad?I Am My Mom
Season 5 Stuck TogetherThe TrialOff ColorsLars' Head
Shorts The Classroom Gems: What Are Gems?We Are the Crystal GemsThe Classroom Gems: How Are Gems Made?UnboxingThe Classroom Gems: FusionCooking with LionGem KaraokeSteven ReactsVideo ChatSteven's Song Time